Good luck to all the apprentices, and may we soon unravel the mysteries of improving WOWAY, as well as the enigma that is TMBDon's
flowing tresses like amber waves of animated forum smileys.
As everybody knows, but the haters and losers refuse to acknowledge, I do not wear a "wig" or a "rug." My hair may not be perfect, but it's mine. My hair is 100 percent mine. It is.
You can even check for yourself:
Getting back to the game... Our producers have now received official confirmation from 11 of the 12 contestants, and we expect to hear from the last one by tomorrow. If all goes according to plan, our season premiere event
will happen tomorrow evening around 10pm Eastern time, with the first challenge being posted moments later. (Note: If you are a contestant and can't make it at that time, just check the forum in the morning and be sure to check in with your team as soon as you can. Contestants should expect to check WOWAY at least once per day in order to keep up with the game.)
People are very excited for this, and it's going to break all previous records. The presidential debate last month has 24 million viewers, more than double the previous record, and it was all because of me. They weren't exactly tuning in to see Jeb Bush, okay? I brought those ratings to Fox News, and I am going to bring the ratings to WOWAY next. Maybe not 24 million, but it's still going to be huge, and you're not going to believe it.
Before we start the game, I would like to introduce my lawyer, Michael Cohen
, who will be posting from my account occasionally during this game to go through the rules and legal mumbo jumbo, which frankly I just don't have time to think about. By the way, Michael Cohen is a very, very good lawyer. The best in the business. He has been advising me for years, and when he's not been busy with the campaign, he's been working tirelessly on the rules of this reality game.
Attorney Michael Cohen wrote:Thank you, Donald. I'm glad to be here for this historic game and the chance to Make WOWAY Great Again.
WOWAY Apprentice will consist of twelve contestants divided into two teams of six. The two teams will compete against each other in a series of business-related tasks and challenges. Some of these challenges will relate directly to Making WOWAY Great Again. Most (not all) of the challenges this season actually relate to and build off of one another, meaning that some choices your team makes early in the game will affect later rounds.
Each challenge will be explained by Donald J. Trump and myself in a post on the Game Play topic. If there are any questions regarding the specific rules, you may ask them at any time on the official Game Play topic and either I or Mr. Trump will reply with a clarification, as needed. Each challenge will be judged in a different way, which will be explained in detail when the challenge is announced. Some will be based on objective metrics such as a points system, while others will be based on a guest judge's opinion. At the end of the challenge, during the Boardroom, Mr. Trump will announce which team won and which team lost. (More on the Boardroom coming up in three paragraphs...)
Once the challenge is described, the team must immediately choose a Project Manager and announce in the game play topic who that Project Manager will be for the new challenge. The Project Manager will be the team leader for that challenge, and they will be responsible for overseeing the task to its completion. This does not mean the Project Manager should do the bulk of the work for the task. It is, however, their responsibility to divide up all work for that challenge among the members of the team, making sure that each member is being used to the best of their ability. If a team loses the challenge, the Project Manager will be held responsible and must explain what went wrong in front of Mr. Trump in the Boardroom. Being a Project Manager is a great way to prove you have what it takes to Make WOWAY Great Again, but it can also be risky as Project Managers frequently get fired when they lose a challenge.
During the course of each challenge, the two teams will meet in their own private subforum (which will be created soon by WOWAY Administration prior to the start of the first challenge). Only the members of your team will be able to read what is posted in this forum, so it is a good place for the Project Manager to meet with the team to discuss ideas, strategize on how to win that week's challenge, and delegate tasks to each member. This is also the place for team members to report back to the rest of the team on how things are going, and also it is a good place for the team to collaborate on the challenge. The only people other than your own team who will have access to these private team subforums are Trump's advisors (not Trump himself). Once per challenge, Trump's advisor (who will rotate week by week, to be announced at the start of each challenge) will stop by the team subforums to ask the team how things are going. Information gleaned during this process may be passed along from the advisor to Mr. Trump once inside the Boardroom if the advisor believes that information will help guide Mr. Trump's decision.
[Strategy Note: If you think your team is doing poorly during a given challenge and want to cast doubt over a specific team member or even your Project Manager, it may be a good idea to send a private message to the advisor, letting them know who is dropping the ball and why, so that your opinion is documented in advance of the Boardroom. However, this strategy has occasionally been known to backfire in seasons past.]
Finally, this brings us to the Boardroom. This process will happen at the end of every challenge and will take place inside the Game Play topic. Both teams will attend the Boardroom, which will also feature Mr. Trump and his advisor. During the Boardroom, the teams will learn the results of the challenge after answering a few questions about the process from Mr. Trump and his advisor. The winning team will then be excused back to their subforum to celebrate the victory with champagne. The losing team will remain in the Boardroom, and Mr. Trump and his advisor will ask difficult questions to each of the team members to see how they answer for the team's shortcomings. After this grilling, the Project Manager will choose one other team member who they believe deserves to be fired. All of the other team members will be excused from the Boardroom at this point. Then, the Project Manager and the other team member will plead their case as to why the other person should be fired. Finally, Mr. Trump will make a decision on who is fired, and that person will complete their time as a contestant in the game.
Lots of different Boardroom strategies have worked, and lots of other times those same strategies have gotten other contestants fired. Your best bet is to make sure you have a sound defense for yourself, and try to please Mr. Trump. Ultimately, the decision of who gets fired after each challenge is up to Mr. Trump, and Mr. Trump alone. Once he declares "you're fired", the decision is final.
The final winner of WOWAY Apprentice will receive an actual physical prize, to be revealed later, in addition to the accolades they are sure to earn among other forum members and the opportunity to make good on the promise to Make WOWAY Great Again.
Isn't he terrific? He really is, folks. I'm not making it up.
If you have any questions regarding these rules, you can post them here. Michael and I will be monitoring this thread, and we'll do our best to answer them. And since we are both smart, competent people, there really should be no problem answering those questions. I graduated from the Wharton School of Business, so I am very smart.
We'll be posting the season premiere event tomorrow evening in the Polls & Games section. There will be two topics: Game Play and Chit Chat. The Game Play topic will only be for official game activity -- the show itself. The Chit Chat topic, however, is for everyone on the whole forum -- contestants, fans of the show (of which there are many), and even the moderators and admins can join in to discuss the latest drama. Even the haters and losers are welcome in the Chit Chat topic, even though they are frankly quite sad.
Thanks, folks. See you tomorrow. It's going to be huge!
I couldn't tell a dirt clod from a plate of caviar.