Chapter 3
Artemis Sleezelton
The minute hand on the wall clock clicked slowly past the nine, while the hour hand sat like a lazy sloth hanging from a tree, refusing to move any closer to the five. There were still fifteen minutes until the workday officially ended. Janine sat there, impatiently, dragging the seven of hearts on top of the eight of spades. This is how she had finished each workday for the past week. After filing paperwork and tracking accounts, she relaxed with a game of solitaire on the computer. As she contemplated her next move, she never worried about being caught slacking off on the job. For the whole two weeks that she had been employed at SleezCo, she had yet to even see her boss. She was hired by the bosss assistant, and had rarely even seen him. As Janine watched the minute hand move slightly closer to the ten, she wondered how long it would be before she met Mr. Sleezelton, founder and president of SleezCo. She was excited at the prospect of meeting him. She imagined it would be quite easy for her to get in good with the boss and move up the corporate ladder. Her plan was to become Vice-President of SleezCo within five years and she really believed she could make it happen. Of course, all her plans would be for nothing if she never got the chance to meet the guy.
Yes! she said softly as she uncovered the King of diamonds that she needed. As she moved the Queen of spades onto the King, she noticed a car pulling into the parking lot. She moved closer to the window to see the car more clearly. It was a beautiful, silver Mercedes, with not a single scratch to be found. The door opened and a tall, thin man in a black suit emerged. He walked tall and with a high level of authority, with his briefcase, into the front entrance of SleezCo.
Sleezelton! said Janine. Without thinking, she quickly rearranged her desk to make it appear tidier. She looked at the screen. She should turn off the computer, she thought, but she was so close to winning her game of solitaire, she didnt want to quit. She turned off the monitor and left the computer running. Then she gathered some paperwork and made herself appear busy.
The elevator door opened and Artemis Sleezelton walked out. He continued towards Janines desk slowly and purposefully, making it clear who he was and that he was in charge. He had the presence of Darth Vader combined with every boss you ever hated working for. Even the simplest actions seemed incredibly menacing. When he finally stopped at Janines desk, she rose to meet him.
Janine wore a pink suit and knee-length skirt. She stood fairly tall in her red high-heel shoes. She had short reddish hair and wore pointy-rimmed, red glasses. She looked like the type of woman who would be very comfortable at a Star Trek convention or a Weird Al concert. She extended her hand to shake Mr. Sleezeltons.
Reluctantly, Sleezelton shook her hand briefly before pulling away, and then said, My name is Artemis Sleezelton. I own this company and I am your boss. You are new here, correct?
Yes, sir, Mr. Sleezelton! Janine said, excitedly, My name is Janine Potts. Im your new secretary. Mr. Perez hired me. I started working here two weeks ago. Im very excited to finally meet you.
Sleezelton was already sick of her. He glanced up towards the ceiling impatiently.
Missing the obvious hint, Janine continued, My husband, Rick, and I just moved here from Michigan. He worked for General Motors, but was abruptly transferred to
Sleezelton held out his hand to silence her.
Mrs. Potts, allow me to explain something to you, he began, coldly, You are my secretary. No more. I am not your friend and I do not care about you or your boring, pathetic life. You will come here each day at 8:00 and leave at 5:00. Between those hours, you will complete your secretarial duties, which you of course are aware of. Those duties do not, however, include rambling to me about your troubles, your marriage, or your kids. I dont care where you spent your Christmas holiday. I dont want to know about your sons soccer game or your daughters prom. I dont care. Tell it to someone else, but not on my watch. In fact the only time you should ever speak to me is when I decide to acknowledge your meaningless, pathetic existence by asking you a question. Is that perfectly clear?
Yes, sir, Janine said, quietly, defeated.
Sleezelton glanced at the photograph on her desk of her two children. He picked it up and looked closer. And any junk from home that doesnt have anything to do with the running of SleezCo. does not belong here! He dropped the picture into the trashcan with a crash. Has my associate, Mr. Perez, arrived yet?
Yes sir. Hes in your office, sir.
Very good, he said and with that, began walking down the hall towards his office. He swung back quickly. Oh, and one more thing, Mrs. Potts. No computer games at work. You will be docked for the last half hour of each day you worked. He yanked the computer plug out of the socket, spoiling her almost victory, and left towards his office.
He walked into his office to find Enrico Perez slumped over a drawing at his desk. Well? Whats the story? Sleezleton questioned.
Its done! Its all ours! Enrico said, satisfied.
And the old man? Sleezelton asked.
Lets just say, he wont be causing any more problems for us, Enrico said, laughing.
So, the Mecca of Albino Squirrels is finally ours! I thought that man would never sell. Its a good thing you have such strong powers of persuasion. Well done, Enrico! Maybe youre not the complete idiot that Ive always thought you were. Now, what have you got planned so far?
Im really excited about this, Mr. Sleezelton! Take a look! Enrico showed him the drawing he was working on. It was a white squirrel, standing on two legs and wearing overalls and a baseball cap. He had on an inane smile like the one youd expect to see on a daytime childrens show character.
What the hell is this? Sleezelton shouted, obviously not impressed.
His name is Squirrely the Squirrel! I thought wed make a special section of the exhibit just for kids. Squirrely can be like our little mascot! He would come out and meet the kids and get his picture taken with them. Whatchoo think, boss? Enrico stood there, waiting for approval.
Sleezelton starred for a moment, and then proceeded to tear the picture into little pieces and scattering them on the floor. Just when I think you may actually have a brain cell or two up there in that rock you call your head, you go and do something like this!
Enrico looked on, confused and sad.
Let me show you something, Enrico, said Sleezelton. They walked over to a huge map of the United States drawn onto the wall. Sleezelton pointed to the various icons drawn on the map. Over the past several years, SleezCo. has been acquiring as many theme parks, museums, and other attractions as we possibly could. And why have we been spending so much time and money on these worthless attractions?
So that you can achieve your goal of finally having a successful company, thereby earning your fathers respect and approval that he has denied you since birth? Enrico said.
No, you low-life parasite! I told you never to bring up that old man again! Hes dead to me! You got that? Dead! Sleezelton yelled. He composed himself and then continued, No. No. The reason we are buying these attractions is the same as it ever was. If I own every single vacation spot, theme park, and museum in the entire country, I can turn them all into disgusting, filthy places that nobody would want to take their family. People will have nowhere to go during the holidays. And then, Ill open SleezeCo World! It will be the most spectacular amusement park ever created and everyone in the country will pay me whatever price I demand just to get in. Ill be the richest man on the planet! Ill own this entire damn country! But I cant do that with dancing, stupid squirrels! Enrico glanced down at his shredded drawing. Look at this map. Look at what weve already acquired. We turned Elvis-a-rama into Drunk-Elvis-a-rama, a tribute to the fat, slob Elvis that everyone wants to forget. Then theres the Poodle Dog Rock Casino, where people waste millions of dollars each year! Theres the Underwear Museum, formerly the Tupperware Museum, which has become the most successful strip club-slash-adult novelty store in the world! And lets not forget the Shuffleboard Retirement Home, where patrons can fling senior citizens across a giant shuffleboard. No, Im afraid a cute little squirrel wont cut it, Enrico!
Enrico thought for a moment. Then, he quickly collected the scraps from his drawing and taped them back together. What are you doing? Sleezelton asked, but Enrico said nothing. He went to work with a red marker, making changes to his drawing. When he was finished, he showed the picture to Sleezelton. Squirrely the Squirrel now had black Xs where his eyes once were. He had black tire marks running down his side, and a large gash in his front, from which blood and guts were hanging down. Above Squirrely, in big bold letters, were the words, Mecca of Road Kill Squirrels!
Mind you, it wouldnt have to be just squirrels! We could feature all different kinds of road kill, but you get the idea! Enrico said.
Sleezelton laughed a very sinister laugh, indeed. He smiled largely and said, This is brilliant, Enrico! I could kiss you! At that, Enrico planted a kiss on Sleezeltons cheek. Before he could think, Sleezelton slugged Enrico in the face and left him lying on the floor. Now, he said, moving on to the next order of business, What shall be our next conquest, hmmm?
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Sorry it took so long to post this chapter. It's taking me longer than I thought it would to write. Coming soon (maybe).......Chapter 4: Meeting the Hansens
