ALTV- The Home Game

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ALTV- The Home Game

Postby scottidog » Tue Jun 24, 2003 9:09 pm

We all know that there are certain humorless rappers who can dish it out, but they can't take it... Al is a good sport, so I propose a new game.

Find real Al quotes (please share your sources) and make your own question to Al's answer.

Let the games begin:

Q: Can I borrow five bucks?

A: I promised myself I was never going to answer this question, but believe it or not, hundreds of people have asked.
From Ask Al.

Ok, you can probable do better, but you get the idea.
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Postby TMBJon » Tue Jun 24, 2003 9:32 pm

Al, has any crazy fan ever come up to you and just starting sucking on your neck until you got a hickey?

AL: I've been given a few over the years.

Wow, thats crazy. I hope you made the most of the situation by at least pretending it was Suzanne, not just some random woman.

AL: I was not thinking of any particular woman.

Hm, thats kinda... weird... Well, did you like it?

AL: Welllllll, technically, probably yes

OK, well. I hope that's all you did with that groupie.. heh..

AL: They were big, sharp and very real.

OK THEN... that's enough of this interview...
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Postby TMBJon » Tue Jun 24, 2003 9:33 pm

every source on there is from Ask Al, as found on
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Postby scottidog » Tue Jun 24, 2003 9:54 pm

Let's make this a little easier. You don't have to give the source if it comes from The Mothership. Since I will assume everyone here has memorized Ask Al and the FAQ.
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Postby Tim E. Tanga61 » Tue Jun 24, 2003 11:06 pm

Hi Al, I heard your head was trampled by a herd of wild pigs. How are you now?
I’m just fine now, thanks for asking.
I heard that Comedy Central cut up a copy of UHF with a meat cutter and served it on rye. How does this make you feel?
I have no idea why Comedy Central butchers “UHF” so much when they air it. You’d think the network that made “South Park” famous wouldn’t have a problem with ANY of the content in MY movie!
You got me. So, is it true that you had to torture your driving instructor to get your license?
I didn’t get my driver’s license until the third attempt.
Is there any way that you could possibly get me a cup-full of magma?
Volcano doesn't like to have their product available through places like that because they get a much lower royalty rate that way.
That's too bad. I was wondering, what do you so when you see a group of people drowning?
Well, I save them, of course, but I always wash them before wearing them.
Okay, I think it's time to wrap up this interview...
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Postby rboy27 » Wed Jun 25, 2003 12:24 am

Hi Al, I’m Rich. Is it ok if I ask you a few questions?

I would have to say probably not, although you never know what my wacky record company might insist on someday.
Have you ever held your breath while diving into a vat of mayonnaise?

No, and I wouldn't hold my breath.

So, now that you’re a family man, what is Nina’s favorite thing to do?

Weep uncontrollably.

That sounds nice. When you were a kid, what you and your friends do for fun?

Well, to put it bluntly, they kind of jerked me around.

Do you have any questions for me?


Well, like what?

Wanna go out?

I don’t think so. In fact that’s never going to happen, I’m a 16 year old boy!

Oh, it'll probably happen someday.

I think I’ll be leaving now. Do regret doing this?

No, it's been lot of fun.

Well, thanks Al. Bye everybody! Come on Al, wave!
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Postby julieabr » Wed Jun 25, 2003 12:36 am

Have you hidden subliminal messages that make us want to see your concerts over and over again?

See album #5, Side 1, Track 2.

The first thing that pops into your head when I say 'Michael Jackson'?

Enormous amounts of plastic surgery.


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Postby sarley27 » Wed Jun 25, 2003 12:52 am

What are the first three letters of a tour this year with "Jane's Addiction" and Audioslave?


Would you like to give me dessert?

Al:Here's a cookie.
Work, is play. Tofutti break today.

Secrets...of...the Universe.
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Postby anthontherun » Wed Jun 25, 2003 2:23 am

What's your biggest fear?
I'm afraid people will confuse me with Garth Brooks.
I'm afraid of that too.
Here's your gold star.
Thank you. By any chance, could you tell me today's date?
August 14, 1949.
Well, I'm pretty sure that's wrong. Why did you give me the wrong date?
I just thought it helped sell the "Amish look."
That's a valid reason. Do you have any connection to Stephen King's book Pet Sematary?
I wrote the foreword for it.
There is no foreword in my copy. Did you write it for a later edition or something?
I think it was early 1992.
That explains it. Anything else you want to say before we go?
You're smarter than your daughter.
Thank you but...I don't have a daughter. Anything else?
Goodbye! Goodbye goodbye goodbye!
See you later, Al.
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Postby autrefois » Wed Jun 25, 2003 5:50 am

Some people have debated whether, on "Jerry Springer," you say "That goat doesn't love you" or "That goat doesn't belong to you." It sounds like it could be either. Any comment?
I believe I had cookies in my mouth while actually recording that line in the studio.

Do you think Disney should give you the money to make a sequel to UHF with "Couch Potato" as the movie's theme music; and that as a promotional stunt, Harvey the Wonder Hamster should be declared the new mascot of the Magic Kingdom?
That's EXACTLY the argument we used with Disney's legal department.

Since you got your new look, a few people (in my family at least) have said that you look a little like Alanis Morissette. Was this done on purpose? You even included her name in one of your songs! ADMIT IT: don't you think you actually are Alanis Morissette?!?
That woman is… uh… me.

What do Paul McCartney, Justin Timberlake, Eddie Vedder, and you all have in common?
Don't eat meat.

Would you ever consider eating a meat dish, for example if a fan prepared it especially for you?
Only if it is a poodle.

Mr. Mathers, who you recently parodied, has several nicknames: the real Slim Shady, Eminem, etc. When you interviewed him for AL-TV, did he let you know any other nicknames he might be ashamed of?
In certain circles he's known as Pedro the Weasel-Faced Dog Boy.

Were you really just playin' with Mr. Mathers in that interview?!? Or are you still upset about the whole "Couch Potato" video situation? Come on, you can tell us--we won't tell anyone!
I left that ambiguous on purpose - so you can make up your own mind about that!

Should Coolio and Eminem be locked in a room together for days on end until one of them is forced to resort to cannibalism to stay alive ?
No, that would be kind of cruel, don’t you think?

Are you, like, the most talented songwriter on the planet, or what?
You are correct, sir!

Just curious, have you learned sign language, and if so, are you any good at it?
These days I'm signing my name reeeeeeeeeeally slow.

Why didn't you or your record company do more to promote your album? You could have run a commercial starring you during the Flintstones, for example.
We didn’t want to frighten small children.

Do you think you'll ever pose nude?
No!! Are you crazy? That's disgusting! Ewww!

Which describes you best: nerd, geek, dweeb, incurably unhip...
Oh, I can't pick just one.

Will humans ever visit Mars?
I'm there right now!!!!!!

Really?!? Wow, that's amazing! Hey wait a minute--is there any way you would be able to prove that to us?
Hmmm… I guess I would show me actually going ABOARD the spaceship…

You've been writing parodies for so many years now. Doesn't it get old? What is your attitude towards writing a song these days?
It can take hours, and it's not very fun - but it works!

Who is more intelligent: you or your car keys?
My car keys.

A few final questions: Is your first name Alfred?
Yes it is.

Do you shower every day, or at least once a month?
Yes I do.

Is it true that you create more belly button lint than Avril Lavigne and Richard Simmons combined?

Do you love the sound of water dripping incessantly until it drives you absolutely crazy?
Yes, very much.

Can I borrow five bucks?

Hey, it worked!!! I beat you at your own game!! I have to thank scottidog for the idea, though. So you'll give me the money, right?
Uh, no.

Do I have to sue you to get it then?!?
Sure, go ahead.

Come on, you're a famous star and you can't give me five bucks?!? Now I'm all, like, disillusioned. Why are all the great ones so bad in real life?!
Because this world just isn’t fair, is it?

Thank you very much, Weird Al.
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