The Big WeirdAbbott Topic (An Open Letter To WOWAY)

[WeirdAbbott]

Did you truly write these lyrics?

The lyrics of the songs that are posted in the topic that bares my namesake? Yes.

[Mystik Tomato]

Juuuuust checking.

[WeirdAbbott]

Mhmm, so...any other thoughts on my new(ish) parodies?

[WeirdAbbott]

Anyone? Going once...going twice...OK, new parody.
Note: Obviously, it's a little late to be writing Thanksgiving themed parodies (I'm aware, no need for snotty comments). I meant to write this for this past years Thanksgiving, but it turned out to be a bigger challenge than I thought...but I hope you like it anyway.


Original Song

I want just one year with no concern
The past three years we had to sit without a bird
Family was there with mouths all wide
Thanksgiving Night, had to wait for dinner time
Must wait for turkey time...

I can't tell you what it really is
I can only tell you what it looks like
You can't use a carving knife on its rough hide
I must eat, I haven't eaten since last night
Give me a piece of delight, I was a small bite
Family has come, drunk while they wait
We all have stomach pains, and I hate it, why must we wait? We should have ate
Now the turkey's passed golden brown, and it's looking nasty
"You heard of basting!? Now I'm leavin'!"
"Wait! Where you going?"
"I'm leaving you!"
"No, you can't!"
"I'll be back with a small snack-
then I'll eat again."
Not to be mean, but I told my mom- "We should have ate
On Thanksgiving is when we need our "crack", the food we crave."
But now she's feeling awful, she feels so ashamed
They snapped "where's the food!?"
Guess that they will have to wait
The turkey's burning, no one sees the burning flame
I guess we will just have to wait

Just gonna stand there and watch it burn
Thanksgiving Night and we are stuck without a bird
The families here with mouths all wide
Thanksgiving Night and now this turkey's way too dry
This turkey's way too dry
This turkey's too damn dry

You ever want some turkey so much
You can barely breathe just from thinkin'?
The meat you could eat for days, AM or the PM
Man, it sounds so appealin'
Wait a year until you get it
There's no way you get sick of lookin' at it
You wake and you're not dreamin'
Only a few hours for the bird and
you can stuff it in your face
like a wedding cake, never finished
You put some potatoes there, cornbread's fillin'
Wash it down, finished
So bored in the moments while you're sittin'
And the bird's in the oven
and not in your mouth
Hoping I won't have to wait another day
Cause if my Uncle Lou
asks my way "How is summer break?"
"Summer break is over, it's Thanksgiving break!"
Looks like we're waiting till next November
Cause she promised. Ha! "This year we'll eat by eight"
You should plan way in advance
Give me my Nintendo game
Cause we wait again
Now the family gets to leave from this "dinner"
With no turkey, brings our stomachs pain

Just gonna sit here, our tummies hurt
Thanksgiving night and we're stuck without a bird
The families here with mouths all wide
Thanksgiving night, we wouldn't care if it's too dry
We don't care if it's dry
The turkey's what we like

Now we're gonna try things, new things, cause it is year three
This year is different, won't fall back in the same routine
Want it tender, juicy with no dryness
And we'll eat by three
And when the dinner's done, you'll be rewarded
Family will come back
Let's start the food, stuffing and gravy
And our great pumpkin pie is delicious with whipped cream
Now we can just relax, watch some Soprano's, play some piano
All I know is I'll love all the food around the table
Dinner time, you stop the family while they talk
Tell them the food is ready, they won't leave to some wok
"Past two years were my fault,
but this years Butterfall
it looks golden crisp, let's have a taste!" We stare with awe.
Inside, the knife can't get inside
Now tears fill my eyes cause it's frozen inside
Thawing is no game, please just take it back
Need the food I desire
I feel bad cause this year she messed up again
"I wonder if Subway is open at this hour?
Now who's driving...?"

Don't know how this day can get much worse
Thanksgiving night, and we are stuck without a bird
The families here with mouths all wide
Thanksgiving night and now this turkey's filled with ice
Can't get the turkey right
Six inch turkey on white

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

My mother said to mow the grass
There’s people laughing as they pass
Then someone stops, continues to harass
Man, I wish people would have some class

The lunatic kicks, and I fall
The lunatic runs while I bawl
He laughs a bit and then he jumps back in his car
I turned away from the sight I endured

As if this whole thing didn’t wreck my afternoon
As if no other thing could bring me chills
And I could not forebode, he dropped his pantaloons
I wound up on the wrong side of the mooned

I sat in shock while he just fled
Can’t process it inside my head
The moon displayed, the tide should change
There should be werewolves now on Main

He slammed the door
And rode away from me
There's a giant pressed ham in the front seat

As if I was cursed, big ol’ hairy rear
A sight that just won’t disappear
And with a rump so red you think he’s some baboon
I would up on the wrong side of the mooned

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Hmm...another month space between parodies? Darn schoolwork getting in the way. Oh well, hope you like!

Original Song

All songs needs more accordion
Accordion is what they need
Woah, make ‘em rock with more accordion
So grab your squeezebox, give the song what it needs
Accordion!

Listenin’ to this music, and it don’t seem right to me
Cause it’s just three guys with their guitars, while the drummer keeps a beat
It sounds kinda funny, and I think we all agree
Might as well give it a shot to hear how awesome it would be
Hear it on all the stations, man it’s happening!

Can’t you see? (Try with Ke$ha’s “Your Love is My Drug”)
Join with me! (Let’s try Weezer’s “Island in the Sun”)
Come on, I’m begging please! (The Black Eyed Peas song- “Where is the Love?”)
It makes songs much better, more than auto-tune could

All songs needs more accordion
Accordion is what they need
Woah, make ‘em rock with more accordion
Forget the cowbell, squeezebox cures the disease
More accordion

Think how awesome “Freebird” would be, I’d get such a thrill
And I’d get down to “Wanna Love You” or to Pink’s “Just Like a Pill”
And then try Simple Plan’s “Addicted”, because I wanna laugh
It’s the object of my affection, and yet one thing makes me sad
There isn’t enough of it that can save Rebecca Black

What they need (Make 50 Cent rock while “In Da Club”)
Play those keys (Leona Lewis- make her stop “Bleeding Love”)
Come on, just give a squeeze (Try Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun”)
Now you must admit it, it makes them much more fun!

All songs needs more accordion
Accordion is what they need
Make ‘em rock with more accordion
So act like Yankovic, “Weird Al” or Frankie
More accordion... is what I want
More accordion... it’s what they need

*Accordion solo*

Man there is not one thing better, nothing else can pass the test
Used to be a Bieber hater
But the squeezebox made him best
With songs in the state they’re in, it makes these songs all set
If you can make them better, buddy, then just go and be my guest

All songs needs more accordion
Accordion is what they need
Make ‘em rock with more accordion
We need accordion played on MTV

This song needs more accordion
Accordion is what it needs
Make it rock with more accordion
So grab your squeezebox and come rock out with me!
More accordion... is what you want
More accordion

*Being pulled away from microphone*
Let me go, come on just, let me go, come on just, come on just, come on just
I gotta say it again, wait a minute! Wait a minute!
Hold on...I'm not done
One more time, I’m rolling! Come on
Alright, sing with me now

This song needs more accordion
Accordion is what it needs
Make it rock with more accordion
Grab your accordion and slide on your knees
I love accordion
It is what these songs need
I love accordion

WEIRDABBOTT

[JCM]

Bon Jovi. That's a new one.

[WeirdAbbott]

Bon Jovi. That's a new one.

It is? Hmm...that's weird.

[JCM]

You're gone for a year...

[WeirdAbbott]

Well, now that school is done for me, time to make up for lost time and write some parodies.

Original Song (Not the commercial, I promise)
(NOTE: I'm not against the ASPCA or the message it's promoting, just the guilt trip it sends me on in the process)

Spent my whole night reading
Cramming for exams
I’ve been studying all through the day
On the television
Went to commercial spot
And a song made me stop in my place
It’s such a distraction
Yet beautiful and sweet
What I saw next would just bring me pain
There was a kitty
A cute little puppy
And I felt so bad that night...

Thanks to those damn commercials
Made me shed a tear
While I sit in my dorm room
And the animals domineer
Made me pull out my wallet
And give you all my money
I really don’t like to travel
but a guilt trip is so near

They looked right at my eyes
The channel wouldn’t turn
I was just so taken aback
And that Sarah McLaughlan
Her voice just makes me cry
You make me give all that I have
The sights are so intense
I’ll give you every dime
If you take your dog and leave
Ain’t it madness?
Oh, thanks to all this sadness
I can’t move from my seat

Thanks to those damn commercials
And that song I hear
I’ll feel like a bad person
If I don’t give anything here
Made me pull out my wallet
And give you all my money
Thanks to those damn commercials
I gave away all that’s dear
Thanks to those damn commercials
Put me on a guilt trip here

--------------------------------------------------------------


Original Song (at your own risk )

‘leven AM, waking up in the morning
I’m in no rush, too relaxed to care
Grab the remote, gotta watch the sports show
Watchin’ Sportscenter, the way to go
Ticker on bottom, that is what I’m watchin’
Read the news, then I just stop
Then I scream and cuss, can’t comprehend

Players feeling defeat
Owners being too cheap
Lockout thing is messed up
This year, will they play?

On Sunday, Sunday
What’ll we do on Sunday?
Man, I was lookin’ forward to the football season
Sunday, Sunday
I’ll be bored on Sunday
Man, I was lookin’ forward to this season

Panickin’ panickin’ (No!)
Scramblin’ scramblin’ (No!)
Not fun, not fun
Not excited ‘bout this season

Day 45, the commish just won’t say
My life has crashed, there’s no end in sight
No fun, play with my son
Spend time with my kids
Stupid kids, boring kids
I can’t drown out my wife
Sunday was my day of rest
Now it isn’t

Once sat in my big seat
Football on the big screen
League can’t make their mind up
How much can I take?

It’s Sunday, Sunday
Stuck here with my family
Should be watching football in the den with my friends
Sunday, Sunday
Not even on Monday
Man, I was lookin’ forward to this season

Worryin’, worryin’ (No!)
There’s no end, there’s no end (No!)
No fun, no fun
Missing football on the weekend

Yesterday was not great, not great
It was my kid’s birthday, birthday
He was just so excited
He’s so excited
I was watching football replays

Just let these players play
This Sunday, let’s make it work
I just want this lockout to end

You are making me mad!
So used to it on my screen (on the big screen)
And from my seat (from my big seat)
I’m screamin’, cheerin’ (Yeah, yeah)
Fast plays, cool trick plays
They go runnin’ down the side (Woo!)
(C’mon) Can’t watch another game from the MLB
No NASCAR, makes me wanna scream
Wastin’ time, it’s Sunday, let us have it!
Think about the fans, c’mon, c’mon now!

On Sunday, Sunday
Should be played on Sunday
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the football season
Sunday, Sunday
Football’s made for Sunday
Have to find some new things to do on the weekend

Gardening? House cleaning? (No!)
Dog walking? Kid watching? (No!)
Not fun, not fun
Lookin’ forward to next season

It’s Sunday, Sunday
Nothing to do on Sunday
Man, I was lookin’ forward to the football season
Sunday, Sunday
Have no fun on Sunday
Everyone was lookin’ forward to the season

Please let’s make this happen (Yeah!)
Fan’s so close to snappin’ (Yeah!)
No fun, come on!
Let the fans enjoy their weekend

WEIRDABBOTT