World of Weird Al Yankovic

I've just finished a parody-ish cover for the book (should it ever be released ). I'll post it sometime, but not now.

Chapter Three
Causes of the Unknown

Al stepped forward. The three men who made his career, and his life, all the more difficult. The three who had considerably diminished what he cherished most about his job: his fans.
“What are you doing here?”
The three men paced slowly, in perfect synchronisation, towards the white column. The string-bean nerd suddenly came to his senses and starting throwing levers in the same mechanical fashion. The display above the box, which the TARDIS had materialised inside, flashed brightly with the number 1. Some of the machines set against the wall starting burning up, and the TARDIS dematerialised without warning.
“Ah, Doctor. I knew I should have told them about that.”
A tall man with a dark goatee and moustache stepped out of a hall near the back of the room. Although it was not at all possible, The Doctor had met The Master before he had met him. It was a paradox not bearable to be thought about.
“Paradoxes aside Doctor, you were rather stupid to come here,”
A TV folded down from the roof. It slowly flicked between images of Suzanne in different areas and times. She looked extremely distraught, and one of her clones had huddled up into a ball.
“We were tryin’ to send the Legion to all the different times, ya know what I’m sayin’?”
“The Legion enlisted my help after I also happened to arrive here. Obviously, I agreed. I wouldn’t want anyone to miss out on their fun now, would I?” The Master eerily said.

As the Doctor had never actually met The Master before, he really didn’t have any idea what he was talking about. But he did know he was a Time Lord; that was for sure.

The TARDIS rematerialised behind the Master. Thankfully, the Doctor had remembered to set the security systems.
“Doctor, yes, you really should have set a further HADS distance…”
And with that, the Legion all pulled out some rather obnoxious laser guns and fired them at the TARDIS. A colossal explosion rocked the warehouse and the TARDIS lay in pieces on the ground, most of them in miniature.
“Hey! What did ya…” Jamie’s voice trailed away as he materialised into a random part of history.
“Alright, now it’s personal.” the Doctor warned menacingly.
“HEY! Um, they are my mortal enemies…” Al pointed out.
“Doctor, I haven’t said it before, but I’m afraid I’ll say it again: do not meddle in my affairs!” the Master shouted menacingly.
A door at the side of the room opened up. It was completely black inside, but a long familiar eyestalk emerged from it.
“ARGHHHHH!” the Doctor and Al screamed in unison.
The Doctor ran at the Master, while Al threw random objects at the Legion. It was total chaos: The Master was engaging in a mind-battle with the Doctor, the Legion were standing together in a boxing ring ready to knock Al out cold as soon as he was finished being chicken, and three Daleks were randomly firing at the intruders.

Al knew what he had to do. He stepped into the ring. He had engaged individually with the Legion in wrestling before, but never when they were together.
“AAAAL! Wait!”
A short 14 year-old boy ran into the room. He had a pair of glasses on, but otherwise did not look too suspicious. Al turned around, and to his astonishment, Eric Sarley had come to rescue him.
“How did you get in here?” the Master shouted angrily as he was disturbed from the rather interesting round of Mind Wrestling with the Doctor.
“Back door” Eric said blankly.
(out the back was a rotting piece of wood with “Keep Out: Evil at Work” written on it covering the open doorway). Sarley stepped into the ring and proceeded to chase Prince around mindlessly. Eric could only just see him, so he wasn’t going to catch him any time soon.

Al remembered from the time that he fought Harry Potter that he still had that folded-up accordion stick in his jacket.
“VHobo Ingelastic!” he shouted while pointing the stick at Coolio. His brain slowly filled with pus and started dripping everywhere. Al threw the horrifying sight off the side of the ring and it hit The Master right on top of the head. He was knocked out cold, so The Doctor was now free. Al was dusting his hands off when Em threw a punch at him. Al inadvertently lost his balance and crushed Prince from above. Without any further ado, Sarley rammed himself straight into Em. He too fell from the ring; straight onto a sharp javelin the Doctor had placed there and became partially impaled upon it.
“EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!” the front Dalek said in the eerie mechanical voice. They all advanced, and with less movement from innocent parties, their aim was getting better and better.
“RUN!” the Doctor shouted. He, Al and Eric ran as instructed, but inadvertently hid in three of the makeshift purple boxes. Prince jumped of Al’s back (he’d actually been stuck there, but nobody saw him) and pulled an extremely large red switch right next to the white column. It glowed very brightly, and the Doctor, Al and Sarley all disappeared into the space-time vortex.

Sheer genius

There will be no update this week due to the distraction of the loss of Nick and Mary.

Hey! It's Eminem!

Chapter Four
The Tenth and Three-Quarters Planet

“Cool!” Sarley said in utter amazement.
The three of them were being hurtled down the space-time vortex. A black box with a tiny clock on it was strapped to each of the unfortunate travellers. They had only been inside a couple of minutes when the mysterious silver tunnel started to disappear. In its place was the dark, emptiness of space slowly materialising before them. The little black boxes were now beeping; the clocks had reached 0 and space suits were unfolding from each of them.
As the vortex disappeared, it became quite clear that they were hurtling very fast towards an unidentified planet.
“Everyone listen to me!” the Doctor shouted in frustration. “There’s a big red switch at the side of your backpack. Pull it!”
The Doctor did so before everyone else. He suddenly slowed and seemed to fall away from the others. Two gigantic rockets facing towards the planets had unfolded and shot their fiery thrust at it. Upon seeing this, Al and Sarley did the same thing.

Minutes later, the trio landed on a small moon. It seemed to have a partially safe atmosphere according to the Doctor, but no one was game to test it out.

Al pulled out a notepad and sat by a rock. Eric presumed he was writing a new song at the oddest time possible, and judging how concentrated Al looked, it wasn’t a bad guess.
The Doctor continued to survey the area. There were no signs of any life at all.
“Come! Quick!” Eric shouted.
The Doctor ran over to him. He was pointing horrifyingly at a long, hard metal stick.
“It looks like a Cyber-Nat.” The Doctor said warily. He slowly continued to walk forward, when all of a sudden, right up from the ground; there came a large metal building. Al rushed forward and threw a rock at it for disturbing the peace. Two massive sparks erupted from the door and obliterated the rock.
‘It should be de-electrified now; let’s go inside, shall we?” The Doctor beckoned.

After several hours of hard work the door was open far enough for them all to get inside. The Doctor flicked a switch at the wall and an information computer began to boot up.
“Welcome to Linux UE,” it displayed. Al sat down at the computer. He checked the date on it and realised they were sometime in the year 3009.
“This place is kinda creepy,” Eric said blankly, “I’m going to check it out”
No sooner had he left that he ran back in horror. A large army of partially robotic men was walking towards them, with sock-cloth facemasks and accordion-shaped control pads strapped to their chests. They were not just ordinary old cyborgs; Al could tell by the evil smirks on their grimy, criminalistic faces that they were HOOLIGANS.
“Who… are… you?” the head HOOLIGAN asked in a mechanical voice.
“I’m none other than “Weird Al” Yankovic.”
“I’m The Doctor”
“Oh, me? I’m just some non-descript kid that you don’t want to hear about”
The head HOOLIGAN surveyed them closely, before remembering who Al was.
“They are interfering… with our plans. Take them… away”

“This sucks. We’re stuck in these crummy cells all thanks to you Al. If only you’d…” Eric trailed off.
“Stop it you two! Fighting isn’t going to get us anywhere!” The Doctor shouted despairingly. He returned to reading a book he found on the ground inside the cell. It appeared to be a diary. He was rather disappointed they hadn’t bothered to pay for the 500-year diaries he called standard, but nonetheless found it very interesting…

Thursday, 27 March, 2970
I have started this diary purely to give an insight into the perfectly sane mind of a peer-to-peer networker. It belongs in a museum once it is found, and no-where else.
I was just going about the daily P2P business; downloading ordinary old pictures of Sarah-Michelle Gellar III when the strike came. The biggest single attack on the Internet ever. A specialised trawler simultaneously locked down every computer on the network. It gave off a highly specialised tracking signal, and within two minutes I had been arrested.
The trial was a complete waste of time for me. No one had been spared the punishment for all copyright infringements: exile from Earth.
I said goodbye to the few friends I had; they were to travel on another ship. Now we are headed for the Moon of Planet X, the tenth planet. They say once there we shall be used as cheap labour and then we shall move to the next planet to be mined.

He looked further on through the book; there was nothing interesting until some years later…

Wednesday, 11 August, 2973
We had just finished mining the Moon when the takeover happened. A crazed labourer kidnapped the captains, and he says we are dying and that we shall need to be processed for deep freezing.
He has now started work on a “cyber-fying” machine. As I wait, I realise this may be the last entry I will write. I will soon be converted into a cyborg, and frozen until we are disturbed from our slumber some years from now. By this time, the takeover leader hopes that Earth will have forgotten about us. Then we shall be able to conquer it! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!

The Doctor snapped the diary shut quickly, awakened from his mind-slumber.
“Excuse me Al,” the Doctor asked politely, “but can you just pull that chain over there?”
Al did so, and one of the HOOLIGANS walked rhythmically down the hall towards their cell. It arrived with a tray of cheap, compressed food sticks and a bottle of water from some time in the 22nd century.
“On the count of three,” the Doctor whispered, “you point to the left and shout out “Look over there!” in a very clear voice.”
The Doctor waited until the HOOLIGAN had opened the door and started the countdown.
“LOOK OVER THERE!” Al and the Doctor shouted at the same time. The HOOLIGAN’s head exploded, filling the area with smoke for a short time. The three prisoners ran down the hall and into the area they started in.

“HALT! YOU MUST… NOT… LEAVE!” the head HOOLIGAN shouted at them.
Al threw the pen he had been using not too long ago. It lodged in the accordion-shaped panel on the front of the HOOLIGAN, and he melted down into a hot lump of liquid metal.

A replacement unit stood in the way of the Doctor and Eric.
“STOP! You do not serve the HOOLIGANS. You do not aid the stealing of music!”
Al turned and shouted “But don’t you CARE about our livelihoods?”
“Care? Why should… we care?” it explained.
Eric walked casually up to the machine and shouted one of the complicated maths problems from school into its ear. It stood perfectly straight and started to work out the formula. The Doctor grabbed both Eric and Al and ran to the launch pad with them.

“Al! Hit that red button there and get in!”
Twenty seconds later, the rocket gained lift-off, and was flying a set course back to Earth.

Al sat back and gazed into space, when the Doctor shouted, “A large metal object has entered our path,”
The three of them stared out the front of the rocket. In front of them, an enormous metal comet, plastered with the logo of The Legion, was preparing to take the rocket aboard…

great story!! youre a good writer..i like it...i wanna know what happens next

Sarah

Please note that as I write this I may go back and change things. I will not put those changes here. Instead, I will only be updating them on my website (click the little WWW icon). The fourth chapter isn't up yet, as I will be adding when the site is finished with its cromplete re-design.

well, either way, good job.

Sarah