Okay, here's my cast for Your Horoscope for Today: The Major Motion Picture:
AQUARIUS: Eminem in his 8 Mile costume getting on the bus from 8 Mile and he slips and his tongue freezes to it! And I would love to see Em playing wack-a-mole for 17 hours a day, in the end he'd get pissed off, pull a pistol and shoot the moles!
PISCES: The Washington Mad Cow that's all over the news
ARIES: Meryl Streep. She'd have to give a hickey to herself. That would be odd
Albino Dwarf: Gene Simmons. Personally, I wouldn't want to trade toothbrushes with him...just adds to the horror of the movie
Meryl Streep: Oh crud...that ruins my AIRES. Oh well, she can play both parts
TAURUS: Heh. Donald Trump. I'd LOVE to hear somebody say to him that he will never find true happiness
GEMINI: Let's see...explosive flatulence...javelin through chest...hmm...how bout Bugs Bunny. He has javelins thrown through his chest all the time
Birthday Party People: Everyone from It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
Fiance: The chick bunny from Space Jam, of course
CANCER: One of the Olsen twins
Driver's Ed Teacher: Emo Phillips
LEO: J-Lo...
Boss: Anyone from Monty Python's Flying Circus
VIRGO: Canibus. OHH! DIS!!
LIBRA: Drew Carey. He would love a promotion on his TV show and he spends the entire time on Who's Line is it Anyway? laughing so it seems like a perfect fit!
Someone much more talented than Libra: Anyone...oh I don't know how 'bout SpongeBob. No, I don't know why
SCORPIO:

I'd love to see Tiger Woods with a low self-esteem
SAGITTARIUS: Alex Trebek, of course
Friends: D12. I'd love to see Alex Trebek try to kill D12
CAPRICORN: The little creepy girl from The Ring
This is fun. There should be more topics like this!