The Big WeirdAbbott Topic (An Open Letter To WOWAY)

[WeirdAbbott]

Yeah, by all means...suggest away!

[ferdinand]

Well, I was thinking about a song parody of "Dare To Be Stupid", but It would be about a subject that I'm not really comfortable talking about publicly.

[WeirdAbbott]

It's time for the massive "Abbott has to crank out as many parodies as he can before the end of syllabus week and he really has to focus on school" post!


Original Song

You gotta help me out
Something happened last night
It’s really tragic
I’m a meat lover, but no more
Used to eat pork and beef
but now they can’t get near me
Man I miss chicken! Something’s up
Someone help me!

Now I eat bean sprouts
Can’t drink milk that comes from cows
Don’t call me crazy
I wonder what came of me

Bear rug is gone, my leather jacket’s missing
Can’t eat breakfast without my eggs and bacon
No eggs and cheese, cause tofu fills my fridge now
Don’t know what’s up when I woke up a vegan

Fish sticks are far from sight
These soy dogs don’t taste right
Where’s my wool lounge pants?
Fruits and veggies, all I eat

I called my mother
“Don’t know what happened this time”
“It’s okay baby”
“I’m really scared, please help me!”

Looked ‘round the house, my honey’s also missing
Want my pork chops, not some lousy old carrots
Woke up, meat products were out of my house now
Don’t know what’s up when I woke up a vegan

Oh man, I’m really pissed
Tofu turkey in my home
I’m about to lose control
Someone call Hillshire Farms
And find my stash now
Get ice cream, eggs- white or brown
No, I’m not crazy
What happened to my jerky?
My fridge is lacking roast beef
I’m really sick of veggies (Help me, help me…)

I could not even tell you what tofu is
I want it gone, just give me back my bacon
I’ll give rewards who brings good stuff to my house
Don’t know what’s up when I woke up a vegan

Man I love pig, baby
Deep fried chicken
Then wrap that in bacon
Throw out those bean sprouts, buddy
Bring me that good beef jerky

----------------------------------------------------


Original Song

Mama, I finally made the team
No more getting picked last for me
Mama, these guys are really neat
Do the best that I can for this here team

Mama, at the pep rally
Students going mad- see!
Mama, I think it’s funny
They go crazy for me

Mama, guys say I’m trusted
When they get exhausted
All my teammates say “You’re important, man!
Least you’re better than the band”

I tell you, mama
I finally made the team
Mama, I’m a part of the team
Mama, I’m loved ‘cause of the team
On the team, no one can discourage me

Mama, response is crazy
Help when they get hazy
Mama, when they are wheezin’
I step in to treat them

Mama, their throats are aching
And my heart is breaking
Mama, when I put that bottle in their hand
I’m a part of the game plan!

I tell you, mama
I finally made the team
Mama, tell dad I made the team
Mama, I work hard for the team
I’m the best waterboy they've ever seen

---------------------------------------------------------


Original Song

I lie in bed all wide awake
(All these ideas, I can’t sleep)
Write them down, but they’re hard to control
What’s next? I just don’t know
(have to write them all, have to write them all)
Think of funny words, make it sound right
Tell a story, but make sure all the words rhyme
Why do I write like this?
(Because when I was ten, I wanted to be “Weird Al” Yankovic)

Full of humor and rhyme
Two hundred parodies
Try to make them worth the wait
“I like the first song so much better”

Much funnier than a mime
Two hundred parodies
Two hundred parodies
Cake, Green Day, Bon Jovi and Skynyrd

Did a couple songs of Weezer
Also did Train, Duran Duran
The Wizard of Oz
Katy Perry, more than four (more than four)
Owl City, J. Geils Band (Theory of Deadman)
Jason Mraz
Colbie Caillat!

Green Day, done five more times
Two hundred parodies
Try to make them worth the wait
Journey, Kanye West, Alice Cooper

Ke$ha, Pink and Aerosmith
Two hundred parodies
Two hundred parodies
Rick James, B.O.B. and Sharkira

Britney! Lady Gaga parodies the highest number
Avril Lavigne, I’ve also done Rocky Horror
Friends say I’m out of my mind
Cause I have spoofed the Beatles
John Legend, Andre
And that Rebecca Black tune! (wa-nooooo!)

Hairspray, Soulja Boy two times
Two hundred parodies
Try to make them worth the wait
Coldplay, Miley and John Mayer

Kelly, “Weird Al” one more time
Two hundred parodies
Two hundred parodies
Monkees, Evanescence, Limp Bizkit

Hundred more and still not done
Two hundred parodies
Ritchie Valens, 3OH!3
Done songs about Maury, Jerry Springer

One write, hundred more times
Two hundred parodies
Two hundred parodies
I try to make their songs a lot better

-----------------------------------------------------


Original Song

A-well-a, everybody told to feel the burn
Big, thick arms I want to earn
A-well-a, I don’t need to lift small weights first
A-well-a, now it hurts, man I should’ve stretched first
A-well-a, man it hurts, way too much burn
A-well-a, my arms hurt, don’t know what I pulled
A-well-a, it hurts, got called a girl
A-well-a, spotter sucks, should’ve stretched first
A-well-a, hurts so much, well it can’t get much worse
A-well-a, it hurts, laughed at by girls
A-well-I know they say I should stretch first
Something really hurts, I don’t know what I pulled
A-well-a, it hurts, it’s too much burn
A-well-a

A-well-a, everybody heard about the burn
Now they think I am a nerd
A-well-a, muscles’ pulled, oh man this hurts
A-well-a, had to lift the big weight first
A-well-a, this hurts, it’s too much burn
A-well-a, my arms hurt, helped by a girl
A-well-a, now the guys know I’m a nerd
A-well-a, should have done the small weights first
A-well-a, man this hurts, had to feel burn
A-well-I know they say I should stretch first
Well, something really hurts, what did I pull!?
A-well-a, it hurts, it’s too much burn
A-well-it hurts!

TOO MUCH BURN!!!
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb, oooowww!!!

Pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-
pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-
pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-heard me scream OW!
They all heard me scream OW!

I’m in big trouble now, I’m in big trouble now
Then I screamed really loud, they all heard me scream OW!
Big trouble now, cause I screamed really loud
They are all laughing now, why won’t they help me out?
I can’t lift my arms now, they are all laughing now
Someone call mom-please help me out!
I’m in big trouble now, they heard me scream OW!
They’re all laughing now, they’re gonna throw me out
They won’t help out, they are forming a crowd

Leaving the gym now, cause they heard me scream out
I just had to work out, had to work out
But it didn’t work out, didn’t work out
They all laughed at me so I’ll leave right now
Way too much weight-no one helped out
Call my mom now, papa will throw me out
Wanted to just work out, they threw me out
Well, I don’t know what I pulled
Well, everybody says that you have to stretch first
A-well-this burn, burn, this burn it hurts

But I forgot how, then I had to scream out
They all formed a big crowd, they are all laughing now
I can’t ask a girl out, cause she heard me scream OW!
[fade]

WEIRDABBOTT

[joseyklein]

Now do a parody of "Daughter" by Pearl Jam.

[WeirdAbbott]

I just realized that I haven't put my 5 latest parodies on here yet...enjoy!

Original Song

Son, I can't understand it
Why your grades are failing
Already have an F, and it’s week two!
You say you’re going to classes
The teacher’s never see ya – (or your classmates either)
Something just isn’t right
So I must ask you...

Why are you so tardy all the time?
Tardy all the time
Tardy all the time
Not sure why you’re tardy all the time
Tardy all the time

You’re tardy all the time –
(tardy all the time)
Why are you tardy all the time?
(Tardy all the time)
(Tardy all the time) - “I am not tardy ALL the time”
(Tardy all the time).

I hear you go out to clubs
just spending your time dancing
You should be reading, attending class you see.
Your mom and I want you bright
That’s why we pay tuition
We wish that you would take this more seriously

But instead, you’re just tardy all the time
Tardy all the time
Tardy all the time
Younger brother is doing just fine
He’s always on time!

So tell us why you’re tardy all the time
Tardy all the time
Tardy all the time
Can’t you make us happy just this time?
Please show up on time!

(Tardy, tardy, tardy…)
“He’s failing, tardy all the time.

And when he does show up on time-
He puts his head down
His snoring drowns me out
He’s always tardy
He’s out all over town
Tardy all the time - does he want to get a degree!?”
Nah.
Tardy all the time - party all the time.

-----------------------------------------------------------------


Original Song

Hear my nervous voice, when we walk down the street
I know she’s the girl of my dreams
I’m below her hotness, she’s 10, I’m a 5
She smiles and then I almost die…

She kissed me on the cheek, and I start squealing
I did not expect this, inhaler’s nearby
Now I feel my heart beat fast, “We’re going too fast!”
And yet, we’re still outside…

“You wanna have some fun?” is what she asked me
And I’m just so nervous, “I should go inside
It is getting late now, so…
I think I should go
Thank you for tonight”

“Sorry for the hassle, sorry for last night
This date will go better, I’ll try”
She took me to her place, surprised what I saw
Her best friend baring it all...

And I felt so dumb, “I should be leaving,”
And then they start to kiss, I avert my eyes
Oh man, I feel like an ass, I run really fast
Not me that she likes

“You wanna have some fun?”, was not sarcastic
My friend just told me this, then he starts to cry
He asks for her address “Yo!
Can’t leave them alone…
Get the hint next time!”

And now I feel so dumb, I could be with them
Instead, I’m really pissed…one chance in my life
Now my friend’s having a blast, man, he’s such an ass!
Get the hint next time!

-------------------------------------------------------------------


Original Song

Come on wake up! Man, let’s go, we gotta leave
We gotta leave if you want to get there by two
We’ll beat traffic, so get in the car with me
No, we don’t have a van, but our small car will do
Bags in the trunk, come on son- let’s pick up speed
I know it’s three AM, want to have fun, don’t you?
Don’t wake your sister, everyone still wants to sleep
We’re gonna have some fun on this road trip, WOO HOO!

We have to drive 500 miles
And we’ll have fun, we won’t be bored
We will be that fam who drives for miles and miles
See things have not before

Now we’re driving, just drove into Kentucky
We’ve gone through tons of snacks, made a pit stop or two
Now my honey, can tell she is restless too
Everybody’s getting ancy, what to do?
We could go home (“Dad, let’s go home”), but I want them all to see
Want them to see the things I saw when I was two
My kids think I’m old, but I know they will thank me
They’re gonna say, “Thanks dad for taking us with you!”

Well we have drove 100 miles
And only have 400 more
I will be that dad who brings his children smiles
They won’t think I’m a bore

Are we there yet!? (Are we there yet!?)
Are we there yet!? (Are we there yet!?)
If you ask one more time, I’ll turn this car around!

Are we there yet!? (Are we there yet!?)
Are we there yet!? (Are we there yet!?)
Why don’t you take a nap, I’ll wake you when in town!

Eyes are sleepy, everybody fell asleep
I’m gonna drive some more before I pass out too
Kids were screaming, wrestling ‘round and hit my seat
And I’ve been driving for some time, we’re almost through
The sun goes down (“Dad, where are we?”), in the distance I can see
Can finally see the place, the place we’re driving to
And when we left home(“Can we go home?”), didn’t say where we would be
I told my kids, “Enjoy this singing cockatoo…
I said you’d have a blast, and isn’t that the truth!”

Well we just drove 500 miles
Now have to drive 500 more
We could take a plane and fly those miles and miles
But that would be a bore!

“That was so dumb! (That was so dumb!)
That was so dumb! (That was so dumb!)
We spent three days on the road, heard a bird sing “la, la, la”

Take us home now! (Now more trips now!)
Take us home now! (We won’t go out!)
We drove five hundred miles to see a bird!? That’s dumb!

Cancelled plans now! (Just to go out!)
Friends won’t find out! (Won’t see slide show!)
Would have rather seen that giant ball of twine!

This is one trip (It was so dumb!)
We won’t forget (You had our trust!)
Won’t happen again, there won’t be a next time!

Well, we just drove 500 miles
And I would jump out the car door
And you should do the same if your dad doesn’t say
Where you go, it’s a bore!”

------------------------------------------------------


Original Song

When I was young, “Eat your fruits and veggies!”
“Come on mom, it looks really gross!”- but
Now I am much older, moved on
Carnival food isn’t bad, you can’t go wrong!

Mmm-mmm, Mmm-mmm

Sir, give me that fried dough, take it right from the fryer
I’ll take that corn dog too, but please add a stick of butter
Oh man!
No, I shouldn’t be eating all this grease, no
Sure it tastes great, but it’s better with gravy

The best kind is the deep fried, well
There’s nothing I won’t try

Hey, just for fun, let’s throw in this salmon
Popsicles, while they still are frozen
This bacon cheeseburger is good
It’s on a stick! This cuisine, you can’t go wrong!

The best kind is the deep fried, well
There’s nothing I won’t try

It’s all good in my eyes; just cover it all in bacon
Roll this up; yes I know it’s an extra-large pizza
I beg you please, take mayonnaise my good man
Add some bacon bits, and then please deep fry my hand
Found some cake on the ground; let’s dip that in the batter,
Mmmm, it’s so good- won’t listen to my doctor cause
The best kind is the deep fried, well
There’s nothing I won’t try

But then I paid the price, went on Tilt-a-Whirl
What happened next wasn’t fun…
And then I had a thought, “Aw man, I should’ve trusted mother
Is food much better when it’s in the fryer?”
And then I realized the thoughts I was thinkin’
Shrugged it off and laughed- “Look at that oil glisten!”

When I die young, bury me with bacon
Lay me down with a side of French fries
Funnel cake and mayonnaise, whole ton!
You’ll need a crane to pick me up when I’m done

Mmm-mmm (Mmm-mmm)
This cuisine sure is fun (Yum yum!)
Full of grease and lard
The line, it starts here, wait until I order
Said I’m eating fine, so just please don’t tell my doctor, no

The best kind is the deep fried, well
There’s nothing I won’t try
So, do all your best boys…I’ll be here awhile

------------------------------------------------------------------


Original Song

Another scary movie
Last October ev’ning
So much violence, house is silent
I’m sitting here shakin’

I can’t see, please help me, scary night- Halloween!.
In my head, I feel dread…something’s happ’ning
The house shakes, I hear moans
I see bones, then I run
“In my head, in my head…this ain’t happ’ning!”

Want my head, want my head,
Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!
Brains! Brains! They want my head,
I’m so dead!
Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!
Oh God! Oh no!

Into my house they break in
Heart they’re wanting also
First was dozens, now there’s hundreds
Wanting what they’re after

Man they’re skin’s so-o green, been dead since ‘17
Grabbed my hand, I’m so dead! No use fighting
With their teeth, bite my arm
Now I’m done, cause I’m one
Find a head, need a head…cause I’m starving!

People fled! “Living dead!
Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!
Run! Run!” We want your head
Want your head!
“Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!
Oh God! Oh no!”

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

Well I have this friend and I just don’t know why
He always gets turned down where he applies
He stays in my basement with paper handy
He says, “Don’t know why those people won’t hire me”

Once was the one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater
(No job, no car, homeless purple people eater)
One time, once feared, flyin' purple people eater
Classified’s handy (But why!?)

Well at one interview, as nervous as can be
They said, “Mr. Purple People Eater, please sell me
Your resume is not enough...
Just please leave, you don’t know Microsoft!”

Cause he’s the denied, one-horned, jobless purple people eater
(Can’t type, can’t sort, jobless purple people eater)
Ain’t no jobs for flyin' purple people eaters
No jobs to be seen (Not one!?)

They said, “Mr. Purple People Eater, why apply?”
He said “Don’t see no purple people in these real tough times
I just need a job and I’ll do what I can!”
“I’m sorry, but McDonald’s has a purple man”

He crawled in hole, left alone, jobless purple people eater
So annoyed, unemployed, jobless purple people eater
(Don’t give up now!)
Flyin' purple people eater
Things will change, you see!

And then he met this Lady at a concert in town
“I’m diggin’ your style, you can so help me out!”
Now he’s makin’ money, he’s all in the news
Cause he’s out there a-makin’ Gaga’s rad costumes!

Well don’t you know, tons of dough, being Gaga’s costume maker
Never doze, fashion shows, being Gaga’s costume maker
More than short shorts
For this purple people eater
Perfect match to me! (Lady Gaga!?)

And now he spends every day just a-counting his dough
I saw his new things at the sold out show
Each time, he goes all out...he’s doing costumes and hair
I’m glad to see he wasn’t the only monster there!

Thanks Gaga!

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

Man…
Cov’ring the Kardashians has just become a circus
Yes, her whole wedding was fake
Surprised you didn’t know this
Must not have been paid enough
The divorce is in the press!
Cov’ring the Kardashians has just become obnoxious

On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by

We heard the hype for weeks and weeks
The wedding they had planned
In magazines, we read the “deets”
Had the remote in hand
But ten weeks later, they were done
Is anyone surprised?
This piece of $#!+, a ratings hit!?
I can’t believe my eyes!

Oh,
Anyone with half a brain would find this rather worthless
There are more important things
Than something that’s this pointless
Can somebody please tell me
Why she is even famous!?
Cov’ring the Kardashians has just become a circus

On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by

She traveled to Minnesota, the marriage tried to save
And yet in every magazine, she said “It’s a mistake!”
When the divorce if final, I think we will all agree
There’s nothing gays could do to wreck a wedding’s sanctity

Don’t know why Kim is so famous, not an ounce of talent
Had to put a sex tape out
To be as hot at Paris
It just makes my mind so numb
Wondering why she’s famous
Cov’ring the Kardashians has become so obnoxious!

(On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by
On every magazine when I walk by)

Ten million bucks, she took the plunge
Lasts seventy-two days
In sickness and in health
Was something she just threw away
Next time, she must think carefully
Big decision of life

{Spoken}
This is all true,
But,
She won’t be walking down the aisle unless there’s press nearby
Oh! The TMZ crew is there too!

Don’t think I could care less about any other subject
Little Miss Kardashian, please reach your fifteenth minute!
(Secretly, I think she’s hot…but please don’t tell my girl this)
Cov’ring the Kardashians has become quite obnoxious!

------------------------------------------------------------'


Original Song

I work hard, have a wife and family
‘Round Thanksgiving time, I get so worried
I see my whole family, I love my parents
Don’t love me much as my sibling

I’ll tell ya,
Man it sucks being Batman’s brother
All the love from dad and mother
He fights crime, and I am a plumber
Since age of one, they like him much better

My beer gut, no match for his muscles
He is six foot four; I’m so much shorter
He said, "So I saved the town again…”
I just smiled and whispered, “You’re Superman’s Man-Bitch”

It’s not fair!
It sucks being Batman’s brother
I don’t know why, has no powers
Man, so what if he has a butler…
The Batmobile, Batcave and Wayne Manor?

I work hard, I work hard all day
He lounges, till crime comes ‘round his way
I laughed to myself, "Are you freakin’ kidding me?
Black underwear, that dumb mask and that cape!"

And he said,
“You’re just mad cause you’re Batman’s brother
Who women love and remember…
Just last year, saved this town from Joker! (ooohh)
I’m number one, you are just a plumber.”

Aw man,
Man it sucks being Batman’s brother,
I still get scared when it thunders
His cool belt, need one when bent over
At this point, I’d be the Boy Wonder

Why am I damn Batman’s brother?
I’m waiting for, “You’re adopted!”
Man I fear the end of October
Everyone dresses like my brother

Oh geez,
Man it sucks being Batman’s brother
The women love Caped Crusader
Joker please, can you try much harder?
Then one day, then I’ll take over.

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

Second year of high school, in sophomore math
My classmates think I’m nerdy, so very egg-head
And now it is exam day, I know just what to do
I’m the only one who studied and my grade is proof
Those guys who play football each got 42
I got the perfect grade, think they’d get the clue

I stayed up all night, studied till I hurl
Reading about algebra, good grades- they are my world
They stayed out all night, don’t care ‘bout their grades
So now I get to say I was the one that got an A
The one that got an A

Got stuffed in a locker right after class
Seven kids who got D minus, and they all laughed
It wouldn’t be an issue, except the teachers helped, whoa!

Someone broke my glasses, know what to do
Just fix with tape, they’re as good as new
With my pocket protector, suspenders, bow tie too…

Cause studying’s my life, love it like a girl
Love all of the sciences, the history of the world
I study all night, can’t get a bad grade
I study so I say I was the one that got an A
No one else got an A

No one
No one
No one
No one else got an A

I’m already building my own time machine, (whoa!)
And then I’d go back to Germany, (oh)
These tests will lead to what I’ve always dreamed, (whoa)
To work with Al Einstein

I stay up all night, writing what I’ve learned
Books stacked up like pyramids, this grade won’t go unearned
I’ve won the Nobel Prize, fifth since I was eight
For this test I can say I was the one that got an A
The one that got an A

The one
The one
The one

Finally get my prize, teacher comes my way
Then he hands me my grade, and then I had to look away…
B-minus was my grade…

---------------------------------

(My tribute to my major, graphic design)

Original Song

Hello
Would you like to hire me?
You can look right though my work
I think you will like it…
You know why?
Cause I emboss!

Uh uh... pick the Pantone...
Uh uh... pick the Pantone...
Uh uh... pick the Pantone...
Uh uh... pick the Pantone...

Emboss it!
Magenta, yellow, cyan and black
Working every night until one
That's right, stationery isn’t that hard
And that's right, I'm the one that's picking out the font

Emboss it!
Comic Sans I sure do hate
Can’t work quick, won’t turn out great
That invite type should have class and taste
Give that type a little raise, so emboss it!

Ooh, don’t use those effects, don’t use that inner glow (inner glow)
No I won’t, don’t use that drop shadow (drop shadow)
Book layouts have the right flow (the right flow, have the perfect flow)
Ooh, they call me such an Adobe pro (don’t frown)
Rock that duotone
Making cool outlines with the pen tool, I’m no fool
Ooh, got my sketchbook out with colored pencils
I scan in all my drawings, it’s no problem
It’s looking awesome
Kerning needs adjusting, but the headline’s missing something

Never use a template, always use the grid
Never use a template, always use the grid

Emboss it!
It looks great when I add clipping masks
So psyched when I show you my comp
That's right, I chose to use that Avant Garde
And that's right, I got “Type Nerd” tattooed on my arm

Emboss it!
That headline should have more weight
Switch from black to 80 grey
Something is missing, headline should be great
Give that type a little raise, so emboss it!

Ooh, (now what? now what?)
So you want me to make you a rad brochure? (rad brochure)
Let me do some sketching while I brainstorm (I’ll brainstorm)
Then you ask for it free, send you out the door (out the door)
Ooh, I'm thinking, dream of layouts, it’s not working
Then I ask, “change the format?”
Chose my work over my wife, cause I love to design!
Ooh, got the Nike logo up on my arm
Right next to the Apple logo, cause they’re well done
Fix every problem
Gonna keep you wond’rin why the headline’s always bumpy

Nothings out of place, I always use the grid
Nothings out of place, I always use the grid

Emboss it!
Use four zero’s, you’re bound to get black
Named my first kid Lorem Ipsum
That's right, I made that new sign in your yard
No big deal, got it done...wasn’t even that hard

Emboss it!
PNG, don’t use JPEG
Photoshop pics for my dates
On wedding invites, names should stand out great
Give that type a little raise, so emboss it!

Not 'bout making things look pretty
Got a message? I’ll say it real clearly
Eyeballs, won’t hurt 'em
I will not use full black, your eyes strainin’
I’ll make it stand out, I’ll dull the background
It’s contrast girl, I’ll take the scale down
You want a poster huh?
I’ll make the coolest one
In fact, it's InDesign, you cannot go wrong (swatch!)
Menu’s open, pick a swatch
Add some noise, it looks grand, and I should know, miss!
And if you don’t understand, it’s your loss, miss!
Got clients in demand, 'cause I’ve got it!
Won’t need refund, you’re happy you paid
Thanks to this, you’ll get biz, isn’t that great?
Awesome! You ask "How much it cost me?"
You can’t put a price on this kind of embossin’

Emboss it!
Yes I made up the side of that truck
I drew up the brand new store front
That's right, I made all those signs in your yard
And that's right, I make all my own rad Christmas cards

Emboss it!
Come to me, it turns out great
Won’t get sad when type adds weight
Invites look stunning on your wedding day
Give that type a little raise, so emboss it!

Uh uh... pick the Pantone...
Uh uh... pick the Pantone...
(fade out)

------------------------------------


Original Song

San Dimas High, we meet these cool dudes
“Who’s Noah’s wife?” “Is is Joan of Arc?”
They’re sitting there, they are failing and don’t have a prayer

Flashing lights, telephone booth comes straight down
At the Circle K, they are wowed
And say, "I know...
Hist’ry’s where we’ll go!”

That’s when they went to France, and they grabbed the leader
And said, “Deacon keep your eyes on Napoleon!”
They are planning on getting A’s
And now it’s time to go!
So they went...

Bill and Ted, went and grabbed people that were well known
Billy the Kid and So-crates joined in the fun
They dressed like knights and each met their princess,
Have to pass hist’ry, save the Wyld Stallyns!

So they go on, get Beet-hoven and “Zig Frood”
Genghis Khan, Joan of Arc, Lincoln too
But watch the time...and remind yourself to wind your watch
Oh, oh.

And that’s when Bill and Ted went into the future
And the people loved the music of Wyld Stallyns
Those two were worshipped dieties
They said “Be Excellent to All”
Then they left...

Bill and Ted, hurry! So much chores left to be done
But you must still try and find Napoleon
The water park is where you will find him
Have to pass hist’ry, save the Wyld Stallyns!

Bill and Ted, hurry! Ted’s dad is being such a heel
He’s off to Alaska if he fails
Break out of jail, “How do you like San Dimas?”
Have to pass hist’ry, save the Wyld Stallyns!

Oh, oh.

Everyone is waiting
Suddenly a voice comes on and the lights go out
With all their new friends aiding
They all say what they think of this here town.
Then Abe said...

“Bill and Ted, four score and seven minutes ago
These two believe in something just like I do
Just be excellent to each other!” Just think-
The students went wild and they got an A! Now they...

Bill and Ted’s Wyld Stallyns are back in the garage, with no hope
There’s Rufus and princesses from the mall
They took the guitar, stand in awe while he shreds
Those two passed hist’ry, and got their princess!

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

“They get much better, now party on dudes!"

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

"We Will Stalk You"
You think you're a star, making big bucks
Jogging down the street, pushing little kids out your way
You're out stuffing your face
Think you're so great
We'll follow you all over the place
Snap it!

We will, we will stalk you
We will, we will stalk you

Our guys get a bad rap, our men
Hiding on the street, gotta get those shots to get paid
See those zits on your face?
They're now front page
Smile for the camera, we won't go away

We will, we will stalk you (Snap it!)
We will, we will stalk you

If you are a young man, old man
We will catch you live doing something you'll fear one day
We're in your breathing space
Outside your place
Somebody should've told you this is what you'll face!

We will, we will stalk you (Snap it!)
We will, we will stalk you (Paparazzi!)
We will, we will stalk you
We will, we will stalk you
Oh God!

("Look For The Cameras")
I'm in the news
All of the time
All of these peasants
Think my fashion's a crime
All my mistakes
They're in the news
I've fought back rabid fans up in my faceWith camera crews!
The camera's always on, they're on, they're on, they're on

Look for the cameras, my friends
Cause they'll be there waiting for a wreck
Look for the cameras
Can't hide from cameras
Don't ride in cruisers
Cause there will be cameras, 'round the world

Don't mess with a crowd
That look's so last fall
You have all this fame and fortune
and everything that goes with it...
Don't lose it all.
You have time for all your poses
But keep your cool
Cause if you lose your hot temper and punch some dude in the face
It's worldwide news!
The cameras always on, they're on, they're on, they're on!

Look for the cameras, my friends
Cause they'll be there waiting for a mess
Look for the cameras
Can't hide from cameras
Don't go on benders
Cause there will be cameras, 'round the world

Look for the cameras, my friends
They'll be there when you're not at your best
Look for the cameras
Can't hide from cameras
Don't be a loser
Cause there will be cameras...

----------------------------------


Original Song

Oh, my baby, my baby she don't want me no more
Cause she’s having the same feelings like in ‘94
She said she’s had a crush on him since he was fifteen
She thinks he's just so darn talented, she thinks he’s really nifty
She loves his youthful charm and his skin so fair
Yeah, she has even tried to give me really-swooshy hair

Cause, my baby's in love with Justin Bieber
She's got a fever for that Justin Bieber
Yes she is mine, but I think I better leave her
Cause my baby's in love with Justin Bieber

Now, people think I’m angry, that I’m so jealous
They think that I am ticked off because I’m older than him
To be famous and young and have all this success
With his photograph posing, while my house is a mess
I’ll admit, it’s kind of rough that she has this fever
Let’s put this back in perspective, he’s still a Canuck wiener

But, my baby's in love with Justin Bieber
She wants to sing with that Justin Bieber
She thinks he’s awesome, but I’m no believer
Cause my baby's in love with
No way, no way, no way my baby's in love with Justin Bieber
She wants the kids with that Justin Bieber
I can’t believe it, I just gotten over Vedder
Now my baby's in love with Justin Bieber

I knew we weren’t getting any closer
When I caught her making out with her Bieber poster
Man, she's got an unhealthy huge addiction
She’s boy crazy, tour bus chasing, rad sign making, perfume wearing
Crazy for the “Michael Jackson” of her generation

Well, I don't care if he pops up on every channel
But I won’t shed tears if he gets his perfect hair pulled
Under the mistletoe is where my girlfriend will stay
But please watch TMZ for my revenge game
Because we’ll find out how she will beg
When I start dating Miss Selena Gomez

Cause my baby's in love with Justin Bieber
I must be crazy cause she’s loving Bieber
Out of her mind, so I think I should just leave her
Cause my baby's in love with
No way, no way, no way, my baby's in love with Justin Bieber
Why'd she have to fall for that little wiener?
Didn’t think it’d get worse after the thing with Vedder
But my baby's in love with Justin Bieber

--------------------------------------


Original Song

We're not gonna make them! (We're done!)
We're not gonna make them!

Cause we work our hands to the bone
While he just sits on his bum
Work one day a year
Eat milk and cookies

We may be short
But we achieve

We're not gonna make them! (No more!)
We're not gonna make them!

Cause he's taking all the credit
We put in all this time
We make all the presents
We won't take this yuletide crime!

No, no, no
We're not gonna make them!

WEIRDABBOTT

[WeirdAbbott]

Original Song

Some guys join a rock band.
Look at girls in the room, in the palm of their hand
Some guys drive a red Corvette
Ladies, they just flock, flock to the “cool kids”
They laugh when I show up with doves.
“Now just keep your card hidden, and just don’t let me see,
you have the seven of clubs!”
But it’s a diamond 2, now I look like a fool.

Turns out, all the chicks don’t like magic tricks
They just poke fun, then they run, no ladies won
All the other kids, no problems with chicks
I think I’m fun, ladies run, they can’t stand my mullet.

I come up to chicks with my magic tricks
But they just run, poking fun, laugh at my tux.
Still go up to chicks, they don’t like my tricks
And they just run, they’re no fun, won’t be my assistant.

“There’s nothing up my sleeves.
Really, this will be great, please don’t run away.”
They start laughing and roll their eyes.
I’m Steve the Magnificent, let’s go out some time
I’m better than some dumb mime
Have no sleight of my hand, yeah, but it’s getting better
I’m better than some clarinet
And I tried buying flowers, but I make girls disappear

Turns out, all the chicks don’t like magic tricks
They think they’re dumb, then they run, but they’re no fun
Don’t know why my tricks won’t get all the chicks
Don’t think they’re fun, but they’re wrong, but they won’t admit it

All the other kids no problem with chicks
They’re six foot one, brains and brawn, get ladies love.
I’d saw them in half, but just as a trick
Man, that’d be fun, ladies swarm to be my assistant

[Whistling]

I love magic tricks but it don’t get chicks
I think they’re fun, but they run, they think I’m dumb.
If I want a chick, must stop magic tricks
But they’re my love, they’re not dumb, already committed.

I’ll show all the kids how to love these tricks
They’ll find it fun, and not dumb, “Your card’s a club!”
I’ll do some card tricks and look like a whiz
Girls will have fun, and they’ll run, running towards my comfort.

Made girls disappear but that’s just a trick
I finally won, jocks are stunned, magic’s so fun.
Finally got a chick with my magic tricks
The nerds have won, they’re not dumb, I got my assistant!

WEIRDABBOTT