Hi, guys! I made several Al stories that have been DYING to get on here. I'l put them chap. by chap. so people can comment on each one. Here we go...
The Day Weird Al Got Powers!
CHAPTER ONE
One day, I woke up and realized I saw through everything. I had developed X-Ray Vision, like Superman! I got up and went to the bathroom mirror, which I saw through, and got medicine from my cough pill bottle, which I saw through. Then I went downstairs.
Downstairs presented a problem. I still saw through everything, even the dishwasher. (Had I really eaten THAT many Twinkie-Weiner Sandwiches at that party last night?) But I accidentally conked my head on the counter, which made it go away. I then realized I could control when and how I used it. I fixed myself a nice breakfast of hickory-flavored asphalt on whole-wheat bread, and then went to the backyard to play on my swing set. When I got outside, I saw
HIM.
YOU!!!! I shouted. Wired All Yankowitz!!!! Arent you Weird Als evil twin??
END OF CHAPTER ONE
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Bruce the Duck
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Couple things:
- How exactly did the main character get the powers. I'd flush that out and explain it a little more clearly.
- Tell me more about the main character. What are his good and bad qualities? What makes him tick? What's he all about?
- I'm not quite sure who the protagonist is at all. Is it Al? The title assumes that it is Al, but at the end, you have him referring to "Weird Al" by name, which would imply that either the character is someone other than Al OR that it is Al and he talks about himself in third person, which doesn't make sense because it contradicts both the way Al actually talks and the way he is narrating the story.
- Again, there are several places where you could flush out your story a bit. How exactly did he "conk" his head on the counter? What was the cause? And how was it that he realized he could control his powers? Also, what are the limitations of his X-ray vision? For example, Superman cannot see through lead. You probably want to have something that he cannot see through that will eventually pose a problem for him that he'll have to solve a different way.
Keep working on it. I like to read fiction about Al. But I'd definitely suggest taking the time to flush out your narrative and use plenty of details.
- How exactly did the main character get the powers. I'd flush that out and explain it a little more clearly.
- Tell me more about the main character. What are his good and bad qualities? What makes him tick? What's he all about?
- I'm not quite sure who the protagonist is at all. Is it Al? The title assumes that it is Al, but at the end, you have him referring to "Weird Al" by name, which would imply that either the character is someone other than Al OR that it is Al and he talks about himself in third person, which doesn't make sense because it contradicts both the way Al actually talks and the way he is narrating the story.
- Again, there are several places where you could flush out your story a bit. How exactly did he "conk" his head on the counter? What was the cause? And how was it that he realized he could control his powers? Also, what are the limitations of his X-ray vision? For example, Superman cannot see through lead. You probably want to have something that he cannot see through that will eventually pose a problem for him that he'll have to solve a different way.
Keep working on it. I like to read fiction about Al. But I'd definitely suggest taking the time to flush out your narrative and use plenty of details.
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WAYFan
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Woah, woah!!! I appreciate all that, but I only did this a school project. I hadn't thougnt about using a whole lotta details or getting very technical.
I'll try to answer as many q's as I can now, then I'll put up Chapter Two, which I think will explain the "Is Al the protagonist?" thing.
-The main character is me. Anytime you need a refresher as to who this guys is, look at my avvie.
-Let's see...qualities. PROS: Well, I'm Al-loving, Homestar Runner-loving, and Monty Python-loving. I'm just a comedy nutcase! CONS: My family say I obsess too much about these things. (Is that possible?)
-As I said before, the protagonist is me, and therefore not Al. (I made up Yankowitz.)
-Power Facts:
1. I "conked my head" becuase my dog yapped at me, so I started looking for things to shut him up with when I slammed my haead into the counter while bending down to look in the cabinet below.
2. As for controlling it, after I recovered from my injuries, I remembered my power becuase suddenly it had disappeared, as I wrote. So I focused real hard and brought it back. Then I did the same things and it went away. It became easier after I'd tried it out.
3. I don't think I have any limitations, except of course, for human parts. (Eeew.) Oh, and grape juice. (Whaaat?)
OK, did that therapy session clear your head a bit? Next stop: Chapter Two...
I'll try to answer as many q's as I can now, then I'll put up Chapter Two, which I think will explain the "Is Al the protagonist?" thing.
-The main character is me. Anytime you need a refresher as to who this guys is, look at my avvie.
-Let's see...qualities. PROS: Well, I'm Al-loving, Homestar Runner-loving, and Monty Python-loving. I'm just a comedy nutcase! CONS: My family say I obsess too much about these things. (Is that possible?)
-As I said before, the protagonist is me, and therefore not Al. (I made up Yankowitz.)
-Power Facts:
1. I "conked my head" becuase my dog yapped at me, so I started looking for things to shut him up with when I slammed my haead into the counter while bending down to look in the cabinet below.
2. As for controlling it, after I recovered from my injuries, I remembered my power becuase suddenly it had disappeared, as I wrote. So I focused real hard and brought it back. Then I did the same things and it went away. It became easier after I'd tried it out.
3. I don't think I have any limitations, except of course, for human parts. (Eeew.) Oh, and grape juice. (Whaaat?)
OK, did that therapy session clear your head a bit? Next stop: Chapter Two...
Janet! Dr. Scott! Janet! Brad! Rocky! (BULLWINKLE!)
Hellooooooooooooooo, Nurse!
Hellooooooooooooooo, Nurse!
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Lauren27
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