World of Weird Al Yankovic

What could the name be.

Could we just go with

Alfy,

Darn Yankovics,

Weird Al and the Parody Factory,

etc...



(These names are all parodies.)



(Annie,

Damn Yankees,

Willy Wonka.)

QUOTE PROLOGUE:



NARRATOR: Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al







That stuff belongs to Al. Maybe I'm missing something here. Are you meaning this to be something like a fan fiction, or is it to be a play that is actually on stage? Cuz if you're gonna have it performed, you'd need Al's approval to use use his copyrighted stuff. And no offense intended, but most of what you've written here is actually Al's stuff.

QUOTE

(AL and JOHN are sitting at a table



Do you mean Jon "Bermuda" Schwartz?

Actually, it'd be much cooler to see such a thing done in the style of George M.

That's not bad! It sort of reminds me of "Seinfeld" except with Al's music. I'd like to see just a little bit more original stuff though. Keep working on it!

I want the following statement to be interpreted as constructive criticism and not insult, but this is basically a succession of random Al songs interrupted every once and a while by brief theatrical interlude. If in fact this is ever performed live, the audience will be expecting more original material on your part.

QUOTE I want the following statement to be interpreted as constructive criticism and not insult, but this is basically a succession of random Al songs interrupted every once and a while by brief theatrical interlude. If in fact this is ever performed live, the audience will be expecting more original material on your part.

Ditto. There needs to be more speaking.



scottidog, the idea was to perform this, or just dream of performing it. Hey scottidog, why couldn't Al & TBITB (plus other actors of course) do it?

I suppose they could. They're all card carrying members of the Screen Actors Guild.



I certainly wasn't trying to be harsh, but Lightning7 did ask for our input.

I'm glad you said what you did.I had all ready thought of that.I was gonna send it to Al and ask for his permision and input and possiblely get him to right a reprise to the Weird Al show theme summing up the play to be sung in the Epologe.



Does anybody have any name ideas.

QUOTE I want the following statement to be interpreted as constructive criticism and not insult, but this is basically a succession of random Al songs interrupted every once and a while by brief theatrical interlude. If in fact this is ever performed live, the audience will be expecting more original material on your part.



I know there needs to be more speaking,I just have a hard time not turning this into UHF.But I guess I should remind everyone this is a DRAFT.

Here is alonger version of the play it has more scenes and in the later scenes it has more talking.



PROLOGUE:



NARRATOR: Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al

And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal

But the sanitation workers really didn't approve

So he packed up his accordion and had to move

To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree

And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory

And he played on the company bowling team

And every single night he had a strange, recurring dream

Where he was wearing lederhosen in a vat of sour cream

But that's really not important to the story



Well, the very next year he met a dental hygenist

With a spatula tattoed on her arm (on her arm)

But he didn't keep in touch, then he lost her number

Then he got himself a job on a tater tot farm

And he spent his life savings on a split-level cave

20 miles below the surface of the Earth (of the Earth)

And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich

For what it's worth



Then one day Al was in the forest, trying to get a tan

When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man

He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free

And the guy that he rescued was grateful as can be

And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV

So he gave Al a contract and what do you know?

Now he's got his very own Weird Al Show!

(Blackout.)



SCENE ONE:

A CLUB



(AL and JOHN are sitting at a table on stage left.A bar is stage right.

MELANIE enters stage left and walks to the bar and sits on a stool.)



JOHN: Hey did you see the skelatal structure on her.



AL: Yeah.Don't rub it in.I could hardly keep of myself from drooling when I saw her move in to my building.



JOHN: Wait a minute.She lives in you aprartment building.



AL: No.Across the street.



JOHN:When did this happen.



AL:Today.



JOHN:You should buy her a drink.



AL: No.



JOHN:Come on.



AL:No.



JOHN:Come on I insist.Waitress



AL:No please.



JOHN:It's ok.



(The WAITRESS comes to the table.)



WAITRESS:Yes



JOHN:My friend wants to give that young lady at the bar a drink.



WAITRESS:What kind.



JOHN: Whatever she wants.



WAITRESS:OK



(She goes over to the bar and gives MELANIE a drink.MELANIE looks over at AL.)



JOHN:Go over there.



AL:No



JOHN:Yes.Come on.I'm not gonna leave you alone.



AL:Fine just so I can shut you up.



(AL get up.Music starts.He begins to walk sexyly.Every one starts to stare.JOHN covers his face.)



AL:I don't have a library card

But do you mind if I check you out?

I like your skeletal structure, baby

You're an ectomorph, no doubt

Your face is real symmetrical

And your nostrils are so nice

I wish that I was cross-eyed

So I could see you twice



Girl, you smell like Fritos

That's why I'm giving you this hungry stare

You're so hot, you're gonna melt

The elastic in my underwear

I'll bet you're magically delicious

Like a bowl of Lucky Charms

You'd look like Venus de Milo

If I just cut off your arms

What I'm tryin' to say is...



I wanna be your lover, baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover, baby

Now I need somebody to love



Do you believe in love at fist sight

Or should I walk by again?

My love for you's like diarrhea

I just can't hold it in

Stop, drop and roll now

'Cause baby, you're on fire

I'll bet your outfit

Makes a lot of noise in the drier



You're absolutely perfect

Don't speak now, you might spoil it

Your eyes are even bluer

Than the water in my toilet

Say, has anyone ever told you

You've got Yugoslavian hands?

No, of course not, that would be stupid

Just forget I ever brought it up

The point I'm trying to make is...



I wanna be your lover, baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover, baby

Now I need somebody to love



I wanna be your Krakatoa

Let my lava flow all over you

I wanna be your anaconda

And your heat-seeking missile too

I wanna be your beef burrito

Am I making this perfectly clear?

I wanna be your love torpedo

Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?

Uh huh



I hope I'm not being forward

But do you mind if I chew on your butt?

You can tell me truthfully

Am I a steamin' hunk of love now, or what?

There just aren't enough o's in "smooth"

To describe how smooth I am

Maybe you've seen my picture

It's in the dictionary under "Kablaam!"

My lips are registered weapons

Can I invade your personal space?

You must have fallen from heaven

That would explain how you messed up your face

Well, how'd you get through security?

'Cause baby, you're the bomb

I'd like to take you home right now

So you can meet my mom

Because I...



I wanna be your lover, baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover, baby

Now I need somebody to love



Girl, you must be Jamaican

Because Jamaican me crazy

Girl, you must be Jamaican

Because Jamaican me crazy



I wanna be your lover, baby

I need somebody to love

You know I just wanna be your lover, baby

Now I need somebody to love



(Everyone continues to stare.)



MELANIE:Ummm...I've got to go.



(MELANIE leaves AL alone.Blackout.)



SCENE TWO:

OUTSIDE AL'S APPARTMENT BUILDING



AL:I can't believe you made me do that.



JOHN.It wasen't to bad.



AL:Yes it was everybody laughed at me.



JOHN:No.They where at ummm.....sombody else.Yeah someone fell on the dance floor.



AL:It's ok John.I guess I'll just face the facts.I'm a disgusting huck of slime.



JOHN:No your not.



AL:Yes I'm.



JOHN:It's sounds like you've got the blues.Well we've all had them.I know I have.



(Music starts)



JOHN:I woke up this mornin',

Then I went back to bed.

Said I woke up this mornin',

Then I went right back to bed.

Got a funny kinda feelin',

Like I got broken glass in my underwear,

And a herd of wild pigs is tryin' to chew off my head.

You know what I'm sayin'?



Well, I ain't got no money,

I'm just walkin' down the road.

Said I ain't got no money, honey,

So I'm just walkin' down this lonely old road.

Well, I wish I could get me some money,

But I forgot my automated teller code.



I was born in a paper sack, in the bottom of a sewer.

I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor,

My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tile.

My brothers and sisters all hated me,'cause I was an only child.

I got the blues so bad.

Kinda wish I was dead.

Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama.

Or maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead.



I'm just a no-good, scum-sucking, nose-picking, boot-licking,

sniveling, groveling worthless hunk of slime.

Nothin' but a low-down, beer-bellied, bone-headed, pigeon-toed,

turkey-necked, weasel-faced worthless hunk of slime.

I guess I've got a pretty low self-image,

maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something.

I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time.



(A homeless man enters playing and electric guitar.)



JOHN:Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk.



Okay, now make it shut up.



Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down.

I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around.

I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain.

I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain.

I got the blues so bad,

Kinda wish I was dead.

Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama,

Or maybe I'll go bowling.

Or I just might go bowling.

Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling.

Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament,

put on a stupid-lookin' shirt and go bowling,

Instead.



(Blackout)





NARRATOR: Since cooking waffles dosen't pay very much Al is unable to buy a car.Therefor everyday day in and day out Al has to rise the bus.Being that he lives in a large middle-class residentual area the bus is always full and it creates quite a stressful invironment.

Scene Three:

ON A BUS





AL: Hi.



Bus Driver:Just get on pal.I gotta scedual to keep.



AL: Ok.Well.Have a nice day.



Bus Driver: Ok.Whateva.



(Al tries to find a seat but fails and so he stands in the back with the other seatless people.)



AL:Ridin' in a bus down the boulevard,

And the place was pretty packed.

Couldn't find a seat, so I had to stand,

With the perverts in the back.

It was smellin' like a locker room.

There was junk all over the floor.

We're already packed in like sardines,

But we're stoppin' to pick up more.

Look out!



chorus: Another one rides the bus-ah.

Another one rides the bus-ah.

And another comes on,

And another comes on.

Another one rides the bus-ah.

Hey!

He's gonna sit by you.

Another one rides the bus.



There's a suitcase pokin' me in the ribs.

There's an elbow in my ear.

There's a smelly old bum standin' next to me.

Hasn't showered in a year.

Well, I think I'm missin' a contact lens.

I think my wallet's gone.

And I think this bus is stoppin' again,

To let a couple more freaks get on.

Look out!



(chorus)



Another one rides the bus.

Another one rides the bus--ow!

Another one rides the bus--hey, hey!

Another one rides the bus--hey-y-y-y!



The window doesn't open, and the fan is broke,

And my face is turnin' blue.

I haven't been in a crowd like this

Since I went to see The Who.

Well, I should'a got off a couple miles ago,

But I couldn't get to the door.

There isn't any room for me to breathe.

Now we're gonna pick up more, yeah!



(chorus)



(Blackout)



NARRATOR:After have a horrible night and a even worse bus ride Al went to work.He just so happens tobe the star cook at The House of Waffles.he never lets his job and his personal life interfear with each other.And today it finally pays off.





Scene Four:

THE HOUSE OF WAFFLES





(MR. ANDERSON enters and takes a seat.)



AL: May I help you.



MR. ANDERSON:Yes.I'll have a waffle and a hashbrown.



AL:Anything to drink?



MR. ANDERSON: White milk?And have the best cook here cook me my stuff.



WAITOR:Oh that would be Al.



MR. ANDERSON: Is this true.



AL: Well....



(Music starts)



AL: It took a lifetime, but I finally found

The perfect waffle recipe

You'll never find a batter any better in this whole stinkin' town

One little bite and I'm sure that you'll agree



Your eyes roll back and your knees get weak

Aw, you're gonna lick your plate clean

People come from miles around just to study my technique

I make the best darn waffles this world has ever seen



I'm the Waffle King

Costumers:(Waffle King)

AL:Waffle King

Costumers:(Waffle King)

AL:That's what they call me

Waffle King

Costumers:(Waffle King)

AL:Hey, I'm the Waffle King



Everywhere I go now, the people cheer

I never have to wait in line

People say,

Costumers:"Right this way, sir... You're money's no good here"

AL:Some day I betcha they'll build me a shrine



And everybody say,

Costumers:"Well, I'm your biggest fan!"

"I seen your picture in People Magazine!"

AL:Folks come from around the world just to shake my hand

If you don't believe in the power of the waffle lemme show you just what I mean



I'm the Waffle King

Costumers:(Waffle King)

AL:Make you want to scream and shout

Waffle King

Costumers: (Waffle King)

AL:That's my name, don't wear it out

Waffle King

Costumers:(Waffle King)

AL:Make no mistake about it

I'm the Waffle King... yeah



Roll out the red carpet, 'cause here I come

All you peons better scram

Out of my way now, you worthless piece of scum

Don't you know who I am?

Hey!



I wanna see you grovel, you waffle-eatin' fools

Everybody, on your knees

You wanna buy a waffle, you're playing by my rules

Go on, beg me... lemme hear you say "pretty please"



Can't you tell the universe revolves around me?

Don't you know you suckers owe me everything?

And can't you see that I'm the highest form of life that there could ever be?

Everybody all around the world, stand up and sing

Come on now...



Waffle King

Hey batter batter

Waffle King

Hot on your platter

Waffle King

Say, what's the matter

Don't you know who I am?

Don't you know who I am?

Tell 'em, girls

Costumers:(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)

AL:Yeah yeah

Costumers:(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)

AL:Tell the truth now

Costumers:(He's the Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Wa Waffle King)

Don't you know who I am?

Don't you know who I am?



MR. ANDERSON:You know kid.I like your spunk.The names Frank Anderson.Owner of The House of Waffles chain of restraunts.how would you like a job as Vice-Presedent of recipes.You would be incharge of all the new ideas for products.Well what do ya say.



AL: Umm.......Ok.



MR.ANDERSON:Great you start tommarrow.



(Blackout.)



SCENE FIVE:

AL'S APPRARTMENT



John;Wow you just cooked him a good waffle,and he gave you a job.



AL: Yeah.Hey. What time is it?



JOHN:7:27.



AL:Hang on.



(AL walks over to his telescope.And begins looking out the window.)



JOHN:What are you looking at it's not dark enough to see stars yet.



AL: Oh.Nothing.(To himself)Yeah pick up that soap.heh heh heh.



JOHN:Really what are you looking at.Your spying on Melanie.



AL:No I'm not.



JOHN:Yes you are.Let me see that.



(MELANIE's cat jumps in through an open window.)



AL: Hey this is Melanie's cat.



JOHN:How do you know that?



AL:It says it right here.



JOHN:Oh



AL:Hey ive got an idea.



(AL picks up a eleltric razor.Black out.)



AL:Well that turned out well.



JOHN:what do you think Melanie will say about this.



AL:I dunno.I think she'll like it.We'll just tie a not around it's neck and drop it off a her door.



JOHN:Do you know which one is hers.



AL:Yeah.Of course.On the fifteenth floor last door on the right.Here start wrighting.



(AL hands him a pen and paper.Blackout.)



NARRATOR:And so Al and John returned Melanie's cat to her.But on the way back to his appartment AL began doing so very odd things.



SCENE SIX:

THE ALLEY



JOHN:Dude what are you doing.



(Noises of someone rumageing through trash.)



AL:(offstage)I'm looking for something.



JOHN:In the trash?



AL:Yeah:



JOHN:Why?Did you loose something?



AL:No.



JOHN:Welll what are you doing?



AL:I told you I'm looking for something.



JOHN: What?



AL: I dunno something?Ah-ha!



JOHN:What?



AL: (walking on stage.)I found her address book.



JOHN:Where?



AL:In the trash.



JOHN:Dude,I'm worried about you.



AL:Well if she wont talk to me in person maybe she talk to me on the phone.



(Blackout.)



NARRATOR:And so it seemed that fate had befallen apon Al.And that he might have a chance to talk to Melanie and not make a fool of him self.But his real surprise is that Melanie happens to be...well...you'll find out.









IF ANYBODY HAS SOMETHING TO ADD JUST QUOTE THIS AND ADD IT IN IN ANOTHER COLOR(Like red)



Tell me what you think now.