Going to share with you all the transcript as I remember it; it was audio of some kind of radio show. My comments to help you imagine are in brackets, while the actual things said or sung are not. There might be some mistakes, particularly in lyrics; this is all from memory, after all.][The recording is very scratchy; between songs there's a lot of dead air and the dead air makes the audio grain very noticeable, though it's quite noticeable during the songs and speech, too. Weird Al's voice is definitely his, but it's noticeably aged - moreso than it has throughout his current career. He can still sing, though, as you can tell from the new recordings - which have noticeably less ambitious production values in their recordings than his current songs, on par with his first album. His voice is still "wacky" enough to be a little inherently funny, but less so than it is now; it's a bit deeper by default and his innocent spirit seems a bit dampened. Some kind of short snippet of theme music plays.]
Al: Hello to everyone who could make it! I don't know if anyone's listening, but this is- [Weird Al coughs. He might have been faking it, but I don't think so.] - this is the Weird Al & Nina Show. We're going to premiere two songs today. Which one are we doing first, Nina?
[Nina Yankovic speaks, and she sounds, at least, like a grown woman. Her voice is also somewhat deeper than I'd expect, though it doesn't sound aged like Al's. She can sing, too, beautifully, as we'll see.]
Nina: I don't know, dad, let's see. [Stock, prerecorded drumroll.] And the first new song of the evening is... [Music fades in, which isn't particularly different, as far as I can tell, from how you would expect a Lorde song to go from her current discography.] "Food Stamps", our parody of Lorde's hit from last year, "Boot Camp".
Al: Oh, I love that one. Take it away, Nina.
Nina: I miss eating my turkey carved
Though that was long ago
The other day I nearly starved
And would have, don't ya know
If it weren't for a booklet full of little strips of paper I found on Elm and 12th
I wouldn't feel full now and be a picture of content and health!
'Cuz I found food stamps!
That I can trade for Soylent Green!
In neat new flavors like vanilla, ketchup, or string bean!
And barbecue and baked potato, omelet and the rest,
Because I found food stamps I am truly blessed...
Soylent Green just is not the same
It's never, ever hot
Each portion's tiny, and tastes lame
But hey, they're all we've got.
But I remembered my booklet full of little strips of paper; each color is a taste,
So eat the worst strips and discover a new way to not waste!
Now I eat food stamps!
Instead of eating Soylent Green!
They taste better than gruel although they have less calories!
So now I can rest easy, knowing when there's no jerky
I'll imagine food stamps are a carved turkey... [The song trails out.]
Apologies to Lorde and her song "Boot Camp."
Al: That was excellent, Nina. You know, it's funny. The last food parody I did was Foil, on my last studio album, Mandatory Fun, in twenty fourteen. It was also my first Lorde parody. We could actually get in contact with her back then.
Nina: I was eleven.
[Long pause with dead air here. A scratchy old recording of The Night Santa Went Crazy begins.]
Al: Well, it's the holiday season, so before premiering another song, let's all listen to our one and only Christmas classic, "The Night Santa Went Crazy."
[It's the original recording; not going to reprint the lyrics here because you can easily find them. It's the bloodier version, though.]
Nina: Was this song based on a true story, dad?
Al: No, no, of course not. Santa is still alive and well at the North Pole, and he would never harm anyone. He'll give everyone a gift this Christmas - but first, without further ado, our gift to you: Polkas For A New World! [Polka music starts. Not sure if it's based on any other song at first; I don't think it is. Eventually, as always, though, it gives way to distinct melodies, polka-fied:]
Earth didn't die, it just came back
To the way it was supposed to be
Your values are under attack
Because they were so, so PC!
It's not about love, it's not about nice, it's not about care,
It's all about sex, it's all about death, it's all about getting somewhere!
Nina: I am a Tulsa girl
I am on top of the world
I'm one of the only ones left!
I will be your queen, or at least your princess,
And none of you are gonna have a say unless-
Al: Look at that astronaut
He's miles and miles above,
He's far and far away
From those he knows or loves
He's never coming back,
Unless he wants to be a snowflake
And whether he lands in land, sea, or lake...
He'll be a snowflake! [Whooshing sound effect.]
He'll be a snowflake!
He'll be-
Nina: Don't call me special snowflake
Or I will wreck your world
You'll listen to this ace, queer, demi-girl!
Don't call me S-J-Dubya
It won't turn out fun
It seems no-one remembers pronouns
'Less you have a gun!
Nina & Al: Dance to forget about better days!
Dance to defeat the creeping malaise!
Dance to forget about better days!
Dance to defeat the creeping malaise! [Instrumental polka interlude, with some cheerful but non-lyrical shouting.]
Al: We'll rebuild the world, I swear...
I'll rebuild the world, you'll see...
We'll rebuild the world, somehow...
You'll rebuild the world with me!
Nina: Praise be to me!
Al: Praise be to Yankovic!
Nina: Praise be to me!
Al: Praise be to how she's sick!
Nina: Praise be to me!
Al: Praise be to- [Three rapid, rhythmic honks.]
Nina: I remember when the world could run on
Nina & Al: Nuclear polka! [All parties involved mispronounce the word "nuclear", Bush-style, as "nuke-ya-lar".]
Nina: I remember when the world could run on
Nina & Al: Nuclear polka!
Nina: Before our dreams died,
Before we were locked inside,
I remember when the world could run on
Nina & Al: Nuclear polka!
Don't you ever be afraid, 'cuz you're alone!
You have really got it made, when you're alone!
You should be proud to be a citizen of the world!
You should be proud to be a citizen of you!
You don't belong to no-one!
You don't belong to no-one!
You don't belong to no-one!
To no-one!
To no-one!
You don't belong to no-one! [Polka finale music plays out the song.]
Nina: Apologies to The Dinosexuals and their song "Earth Didn't Die", Bella Normal and her song "Tulsa Girl", La Vie Bohème and their song "Major Tom's Shower", Flatlines and zer song "Don't Call Me", Andrew Dost and his song "Dance To Forget", Rebecca Black and her song "Rebuild The World", Julian Thicke and his song "Praise Be", Attributed To Anonymous and their song "I Remember When The World Could Run On Nuclear Power", and Remember Anne Hathaway and their song "Don't Belong To No-One".
Al: And thanks to Bermuda for hunting down all of the tracks to study. [Al sighs.] You know, this is another nostalgia trip. That was the first polka medley I've been part of since, again, twenty fourteen. "NOW That's What I Call Polka". Of course, I guess it makes sense that it's time for a return to Al form, since, after all, it is almost... [Long pause.] It is almost...
Nina: What?
Al: It's almost twenty twenty seven! Twenty seven!
Nina: Oh, that's your special number, isn't it?
Al: Yes, it is!
Nina: I'm sorry!
Al: It's fine. Well, this has been another episode of the Weird Al & Nina Show! Whether you're listening to this underground or in the open, have a merry Christmas and a happy new year! Let's all hope for another episode next year! Goodbye!
Nina: Goodbye!
[I'm kind of scared now...
]
Hello? Yeah? Papa Boolie here...
Anyhow, even if you're making that up to make it sound more dramatic, it was kind of interesting 
